


Warmth

by spacefucker



Series: Forgiveness [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Polyamory, Slow Burn, acquaintances to friends to enemies to friends to lovers: a tony/steve story, can u believe it? I made it to the second fic, current bucky/tony, eventual romantic pairings with steve, explicit tag and graphic tag added for future chapters, more tags to come, the one where steve falls in love with the new bucky and finally lets go of the old one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-08-17 13:18:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8145467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacefucker/pseuds/spacefucker
Summary: The team has started to mend. Trust is being built. Tony and Bucky grow stronger by the day. Steve is actually doing his best to build trust back with Tony while letting the old Bucky go. 
A story about friendship, falling in love, building trust, and hope. Can the team make it through the trouble with the UN, the threats to Earth, and the Black Vortex? Can they shift public opinion?





	1. Tony's Choice

**Author's Note:**

> *You need to read 'Left Out in the Cold' for this to make sense*

It was the anniversary of the haunting weeks in which Ultron had been created and defeated. Tony stood at a lectern, feeling over-warm underneath the blazing lights of the auditorium, and held in his hands a set of note cards that he had already memorized. The team sat behind him on the raised dais, all of whom wore matching expressions of grief muddled with guilt. Everyone, save Natasha who was looking out into the crowd and Bucky who was looking up at Tony, was staring down at their hands clasped in their laps.

“There are a lot of things to regret in my life but the things that trouble me the most are the names of those who died due to my own fault. In the making of Ultron I did the one thing I had tried to avoid. People have died because of me and the actions my team took to coral the thing I created.”

Tony clears his throat and looks down at his shaking hands and then steels himself before looking back out into the crowd.

“I cannot take back those days. I cannot bring those people back. But what I can do is my very best to honor them and give my support to their families.”

There’s movement then that catches Natasha’s eyes. Someone sliding through the auditorium’s doors to walk down the mauve carpeting, getting closer and closer. Her eyes narrow as she searches the surrounding seats to find no openings. She tenses and flashes her eyes to Tony.

Tony continues on, “I have set up a charity foundation named after one of those we lost – Charles Spencer – and am making it the personal goal of myself and Stark Industries to help the families of those lost.”

Then it all happens a bit like a crash collision does.

Bucky yells, “Gun!”

Natasha leaps from her chair, grabs Tony, and uses her speed to turn them. The gun goes off, people scatter, and Natasha makes a soft grunt as she and Tony hit the floor. Tony’s arms wrap around Natasha while he tries desperately to find the entry wound.

“Nat, talk to me.”

She can’t do much other than blink slowly, grimace set on her face, with her breath quickening. There’s a commotion heard and security is pouring in from all exits, guns drawn. Bucky is there, moving Nat off Tony and checking her over himself, Tony sits up and looks around everyone. It’s hard to see through the circle his team’s made around him but just as Wanda shifts her weight he sees the shooter.

“Don’t shoot!” Tony manages, trying to rise.

Security personnel has the man surrounded. He’s refusing to put his weapon down and surrender. Another shot goes off, the bullet’s energy absorbing into Wanda’s shield. Then another shot, a thump, and silence. Tony’s in shock, blood heavy on his suit. He looks up into Bucky’s eyes, and then to Natasha while she wheezes on the floor.

“Is he?”

Steve answers, softly, “He’s dead, Tony.”

“We need medivac.” Tony shakes his head and moves closer to Bucky, looking Natasha over, “Have Pepper send the helicopter. We need to take her in.”

Natasha shakes her head and wheezes, “Its fine.”

“Sure it is.” Tony pats her head. “We’re just getting doctors to confirm that.”

Bucky takes a hold of his hand and pulls him to his feet. They clear to give Nat room while Steve leans down to pick her up in his arms. She gives another soft grunt and her eyes go a little unfocused. Clint’s right there with them, phone pressed to his ear while he talks to Pepper on the phone. It’s painfully chaotic and Tony feels panic rising.

“Are you ok?” Bucky’s asking, brows furrowed while he pulls Tony in closer to take on more of his weight.

Tony nods and tries to fight it, “I’m fine. Take care of Nat.”

“How about we take care of both of you?”

-

“I’d like to have one person I’m close to not end up in a hospital.”

Natasha wakes up to these words and smiles while squinting up at Pepper. She was sitting on a chair as close to Nat’s bed as possible. Her smile is genuine, if a little strained, and she looked just a tad ruffled. Almost as if she’d been in that helicopter with Natasha when she’d been picked up.

“Believe me it’s not my favorite thing to do.”

It’s quiet for a moment and Pepper reaches out to grab Nat’s hand. Pepper’s hand, surprisingly, considering her profession, was calloused and a little rough. Her grip was firm but comforting and Natasha gripped her hand with just as much strength.

“Thank you for saving Tony.” Something flashes across Pepper’s face that Nat can’t classify, “Though, I am not happy that you were the one to get shot. I’d have preferred no one getting shot at all.”

Nat shrugs and then winces in pain, “It is what it is. That’s my job.”

“You’re talking about those documents you had my lawyers draw up to make you legally tied to Tony.” Pepper says, instead of asks. “Yes, I’m beginning to question them.”

“No, you’re not.”

Pepper sighs, “You’re right. I’m glad you saved him. I’m not, however, glad you’re wounded. You could have died.”

“That’s my job.” Nat reiterates, looking into Pepper’s eyes like she can will her to understand. “There are going to be times like this. And eventually there will be a time in which I do finally die.”

“Well,” Pepper clears her throat but keeps their hands intertwined, “let us hope that day is far off. You still owe me a game of pool.”

Nat smiles, “Are you still sure about your bet? Because I know my way around the table.”

“I think you underestimate what happens in a small town when the only thing to do for fun is an old bowling alley with some beat-up pool tables.”

“We could go today.”

Pepper laughs and it’s a little fragile, “I’d rather see you better first.”

Natasha smiles and changes gears, “I assume, then, that Tony is ok.”

“A little shook up but no worse for wear. He’s worried about you.”

“Any info on the shooter?”

Pepper looks a little more than upset then, “His name was Thomas Struthers. The father of one of the people who had died in your battle against Ultron.”

“Have you told Tony?” Pepper shakes her head so Natasha continues, “Are you going to?”

“I feel as if I should. He’ll find out one way or another anyway. I just know it’ll tear him up, though.”

Natasha nods, “I know. But he needs to know. He’ll just be worse if we keep it from him.”

“I’ve made it my policy to never lie to Tony.”

“I figured.”

“That goes for you, too.” Pepper squeezes her hand. “I won’t lie to you.”

Natasha quirks a smile. Admissions of trust like this are hard-won in her profession. She looked up then at Pepper and tried her best to commit every little thing about her to memory. Her laugh-lines, her freckles, the way she smiles out of one side of her mouth, etc. – she files it all away.

There had been more than one low point in Natasha’s life. In those low points she’d always wished that she had a family. Someone to mourn her if she died. Someone who she knew loved her. She’d wanted that but never dared to hope that she could have something like that in reality. But here she was, with her team at her back and Pepper sitting by her side and Nat realized that time and chance weren’t always going to be on her side.

So she said as much as she could, forcing herself to be as transparent as possible, “You’re important to me.”

Pepper smiles down at her and smooths her thumb over Nat’s wrist in a way that makes Natasha’s stomach fill with butterflies.

“You’re important to me, too.”

-

“Can you grab my hand?”

Bucky has his left hand stretched out in front of himself. Metal plating glints in the lamplight and if Tony listened closely, he could hear the soft whir of machinery humming.

“I think so.”

Tony reaches out, less hesitant than he had been in the past, and grabs onto his hand. He pulls the arm to himself and Bucky lets him, watching Tony closely. Tony is careful, running his fingers over the metal lightly. It tickles a bit and Bucky can’t help the jump he does with a little laugh.

“Sorry, ticklish.”

Tony laughs, “That’s amazing.”

“Tony, I swear, do not tickle me.”

“Is that a serious ‘do not tickle me’ or a joking ‘do not tickle me’?”

Bucky chuckles, “Serious for now. I don’t want to alarm you if I twitch suddenly.”

“Fair.”

Tony takes Bucky’s hand and brings it up to his face slowly. Bucky can feel the roughness of Tony’s stubble against his palm and he tries to keep himself from running a thumb over his cheekbone. Tony goes still, just holding Bucky’s hand there, and closes his eyes for a second before flashing them open and looking down at Bucky.

“This is ok.”

Bucky smiles, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Tony smiles back. “Yeah, it is.”

Tony takes Bucky’s hand from his face and he shifts, cuddling in close to Bucky, spooning him and bringing the arm over to hug him. He’s a little stiff against the metal arm but visibly relaxes after a minute.

“Can I bring you closer?”

Tony just nods and Bucky squeezes his arm around him tighter, bringing Tony in close, molding to his front like he was made to be there.

“I was worried about you today.”

Tony laughs and it’s a little broken, “You should be worried about Natasha.”

“I was, after. But when I saw him draw that gun I swear I stopped breathing.”

Tony sighs, “It’s my fault.”

“You can’t take responsibility for that, Tony.” Bucky says, rubbing a soothing hand up and down Tony’s arm. “This isn’t your fault.”

“It is. It’s my fault it all started. If I hadn’t-“

“You can’t think that way, Tony. You can’t take responsibility for other people’s actions. The best you can do is try and fix your own and that’s something you’re taking care of.”

Tony goes quiet and pulls the metal arm tighter around himself.

“All I’ve ever tried to do is make things right or do good.” Tony whispers, sounding so wrecked that Bucky can feel himself tear up. “I always end up hurting others.”

“That’s not true.” Bucky says, nuzzling into Tony’s neck. “You started charities to help people. You built me my arm. You’ve started a whole new section of Stark Industries devoted to helping people with affordable and obtainable prosthetics. You opened your home back up to your team. Tony, I can’t begin to count the things you do for people.”

Tony’s quiet so Bucky keeps on going.

“If all we ever do is focus on the bad things in our lives and the ways we’ve messed up then there’s no hope in moving forward. We give those things the attention they deserve and we right those wrongs but you can’t let them plague you forever.” Bucky takes in a steadying breath and sighs, “If I did that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“You were brainwashed.”

Bucky clicks his tongue, “And you were manipulated.”

“I appreciate you telling me this but it doesn’t make me feel less guilty.”

“I didn’t really expect it to.” Bucky sighs. “But it helps to hear people saying it. I want you to know that I see you as a good person who is doing his best. When I look at you I see someone who uses everything in his power to help other people and make their lives better.”

“Thanks, Bucky.” Tony says, close to sobbing but feeling a little lighter.

Bucky kisses the back of Tony’s neck, “You’re welcome, babe. Now let’s get some sleep.”

-

The moment that man had pulled his gun Steve had frozen with inexplicable fear. Tony had made it so far since being on the brink of death and here he was, about to be taken down by a single bullet. But then Natasha had covered Tony whip-fast and taken that bullet and Steve felt that same fear rise up again. She’d been hit.

It’s a bit strange to describe the surreal feeling that surrounds a shooting. It’s different than war. You expect violence in war. But this had been a charity event and Steve had let that go to his head. He’d expected calm.

He was showering off Natasha’s blood and lamenting over the fact that there wasn’t any probable future in which they could go somewhere without having to be on the defensive. Steve had read the case report of Tony’s experience at the Bank Robbery. Between having hits out on them and then civilians with a cause they could barely expect to step out the door without being accosted somehow.

So he changed into some clean clothes, took some time to stop the quaking in his hands, and made a beeline for the South lawn.

It was difficult finding Duck. She was apparently elusive for everyone but Natasha. So in-between cat calls he tried explaining that Nat was on bed rest like the cat could understand.

After a few minutes walking around on the freshly-cut grass, Duck trots up to him and goes willingly into his arms. Steve brings her inside with him and makes his way up to Nat’s room. Duck is purring in his arms and making Steve seriously consider getting a cat of his own.

When he gets to Natasha’s room her door is open so he just knocks his knuckles on the door frame while he walks through. He’s a little shocked to find her propped up on the bed with Tony next to her, playing with her short hair.

Duck leaps from his arms and jumps up onto her bed, promptly laying between her legs like she knew her torso was sore.

“Oh, hey.” Natasha says, smiling, reaching with a wince down to scratch at Duck’s ears.

Tony looks at the cat, bewildered, “Have I really never seen this cat?”

“Duck’s outside a lot, Tony. Something you’re not.” Steve says with a smile.

“It's name is Duck?”

Natasha smiles and leans back into her pillows, “Duck's a girl and It’s a bit of a story.”

“Can I sit?” Steve asks.

It’s really a question made in equal parts for Natasha and Tony. Natasha has a say-so because it’s her space. Tony has one because Steve’s not so sure he’s actually ok with him yet. Nat nods, patting the spot on the either side of her. Steve moves to sit down, looking at Tony only to find him shrugging.

The bed is a bit of a tight fit with Steve on it. He’s got a lot of Super Soldier muscle to account for and he by no means weighs even close to the same as he did before the serum. Even though he needs to take up more room he and Tony both give most of the room to Natasha and Duck. Steve tries not to laugh at the obvious tilt Nat’s bed has now, though.

“I was just telling Nat that next time she should just pull me out of the way.”

Steve looks first from Nat then to Tony. Everyone in the room knows that if she could have she would have. Covering him with her own body had been the only option at the time. Since the incident Steve’s had the time to think clearly and what he’s come up with is this: he should have been the one to do it.

“I should be your body guard.” Steve blurts. Natasha and Tony eye him and he clears his throat before moving on, “If I get hurt, the serum heals me at an accelerated rate. It’s less of a chance at permanent damage.”

Nat squints, considering. Tony looks a little taken aback and Steve feels awful that the notion surprises him.

“I made a mistake, Tony. My actions were deplorable. Let me make it up to you.”

Tony looks to Nat for a moment, a silent conversation passing between them, and then he looks at Steve. It’s silent for a while, just the slight wheeze of Nat’s breathing and the purr of Duck to fill the silence.

Nat speaks up first, “You know, Tony, I’ve made my own mistakes. Calling you egotistical. Claiming that you had an inflated ego keeping you back.” She takes in a breath and looks to Tony, “I regret that. And I’m doing my best to make up for that and more. Now, I understand that what Steve did was worse and different in its own way.” Steve winces at that. “I still think that Steve can’t try and build trust with you if you don’t let him.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do.” Tony says, crossing his arms.

Nat smiles, “I know. You have every right to be anxious about it. You deserve to be defensive. But if you want your relationships with the rest of the team to be mended, you need to give them a chance.”

“You know,” Tony laughs a little to himself, “Bucky told me that people have to try and right their wrongs but when they do they can’t dwell on the past forever. He said that prevents progress.”

“Bucky seems to be good at dispensing advice.” Steve adds.

Natasha nods, agreeing, “Its things like that in which makes him a good leader.”

“I think I can do that.” Tony smiles tentatively at Steve, “You’ve apologized. I can tell you’re sorry. I can move on to that next step.”

“Maybe you could start with some strength training?” Natasha offers. “Steve’s a great spotter.”

She does't mention that something like this requires a lot of trust in your partner.

Tony nods but says, “I’ll be honest, though. I’d like someone else to be there.”

It hurts Steve that he feels that way, but he gets it, so he just smiles and says, “When do you want to start?”

"How does the end of the week sound? Friday?"

"Sounds good." Steve smiles.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve invites Tony to dinner. Natasha and Bucky have a talk. Tony and Wanda have a heart-to-heart and Bucky and Pepper make plans.

Steve and Tony leave Natasha’s room at the same time.

It’s uncomfortable, to say the least. Tony imagines that it is a lot like those horrible moments of second-hand embarrassment mixed with his own because Steve is definitely floundering and Tony can’t remember what he’s supposed to do with his hands. So he goes with stuffing them into his pockets and taking a few steps back. Steve, for whatever reason, goes back and forth between looking completely wrecked and furious and the combination is concerning.

Tony realizes, suddenly, that there hasn’t been a real conversation between them since Siberia. The only one he remembers being an aborted attempt at one in the stairwell outside of the operating room.

He’s trying, he really is, to commit to forgiveness where Steve is concerned. Tony can manage forgiveness, at least a little of it, for now before the trust comes. He figures that Bucky is right. Natasha’s right. He can’t expect things to get better if he doesn’t meet halfway.

So he talks first, “How have you been doing? Settling in?”

“Oh, yeah.” Steve looks relieved. “I’m doing…thanks for inviting me. It’s nice to be together. I mean it’s nice for the team to be together.”

“Yeah.” Tony agrees and his mind goes blank.

He tries desperately to dreg up any information on his past with Steve. What they used to talk about. Anything, literally anything, because even though he hurts every time he so much as sees Steve anymore some of that pain is this visceral need to be close to him again. Their relationship had always been kind a back-and-forth. Where the sarcasm and making fun had been effortless. He needed that back so bad.

Steve starts this time, “Do you want to get dinner?”

He wants to say yes. He’d love to see them reconnect over that greasy pizza Steve loves. Tony is trying so hard he’s physically shaking. But each time he thinks about Steve it always bleeds into Siberia. Anytime he thinks he’s gotten better there’s this nagging, paranoid part of him that whispers that Steve’s a liar and can’t be trusted.

Tony has to stop his teeth from grinding to answer, “Maybe we could do that here?”

Because that’s the absolute best that he can do. The idea of going somewhere alone with Steve still his blood pressure spiking and is hurting his heart in the most literal and figurative of ways. In that moment he can tell that Steve knows. Steve’s always been able to read Tony. He’d always been able to read through the bullshit. Which is why his betrayal stung so badly.

Maybe that’s what he needs to say. He could say it by himself, too. Tony was sure, contrary to what he’d told Bucky before that he could talk to Steve without folding. He could do this.

“Sure.” Steve wipes his hands on his pants. “I still know how to make that Alfredo you like. I could throw it together and we could eat by seven.”

Tony nods, “Let me know when it’s ready.”

He doesn’t even wait for Steve to nod before he makes a beeline for his workshop.

-

Bucky is the next to make his way down to Natasha’s room.

Nat speaks before he can even open his mouth, “You are going to have some emotional damage control to deal with later.”

He slows on his walk to her bed, “Oh?”

“Mmhm.” She pats a spot on her bed and then goes back to scratching Duck behind her ears. “Tony and Steve had a talk. A small one. They’re planning on having dinner tonight and both obviously don’t know how to use their inside voices.”

“Was Tony ok?” Bucky asks, concerned and willing to leave to find him at a moment’s notice.

Natasha waves dismissively, “Tony is handling himself. Surprisingly well, I might add. I imagine that if he needs help, help will find him.”

“Ok,” Bucky drags out but sits, “how are you feeling, then?”

“Like I’m ready to get out of bed.”

“Not going to happen.”

Nat laughs, “Got it, boss.”

Bucky smiles and brings up the folder, pad of paper, and pen he’d brought in with him. He’s worried about Tony, sure, like he always is. But he’s willing to let Tony handle himself. He’s a grown man who can make his own decisions and take care of himself. He’ll let Bucky know when he needs help.

“What’s your take on it all?” Bucky asks, holding the paper in his lap for a little longer.

“Of Tony’s thing?” Nat asks and when Bucky nods she looks contemplative. “I’m not a Tony expert.”

Bucky raises an eyebrow and chuckles, “Who is?”

“Steve.” Natasha says without skipping a beat.

Bucky blinks in shock and has to ask, “Steve?”

“Yes.” Natasha says, sounding sure. “You forget that Steve was out of the ice and a part of the team for a while. Before you came along it was always Steve and Tony.”

“Can you tell me about it?” Bucky asks, settling down.

She eyes him for a moment before shrugging, “They just had good energy. It was a mess at first. Steve was a dick and Tony was a brat. But everything after? They were close. Tony treated Steve like a person instead of an idol. Steve gave Tony as good as he got. Both of them reminded me of Clint and myself.”

“I figured.” Bucky says, remembering, “In Wakanda, before we knew about Tony, Steve would just go on and on about him. How he liked his pizza, his favorite car,” Bucky laughs, “and the times he’d have to carry Tony after he finally passed out in his workshop up to his room.”

Nat nods, “See what I mean? They clicked and just worked. I mean, there were still arguments. Like when Tony wouldn’t follow orders or when Steve wouldn’t see reason. But they always had this way of fixing things.”

“But then Siberia happened.”

“I genuinely feel as if Steve’s biggest mistake in his life was keeping what he knew from Tony. The second biggest mistake was caused by the first: leaving Tony in Siberia.” Natasha leans back, looking pale and tired, “Try, for a moment, to put yourself in Tony’s shoes. You have this friend, of whom you have spent _years_ with, who has had your back and whose back you’ve had. This person has seen you at your best and been there at your worst. And then it’s revealed, through a third party, that person has lied to you. They’ve kept the real reason behind your parent’s death from you for their own gain. Tell me, Bucky, how would you feel?”

Bucky’s heart hurts and goes out for Tony in that moment more than it ever has, “I get it.”

“Wait, it gets worse.” Nat lays down fully and turns her head to peer at Bucky. “That same friend then goes on to beat you within an inch of your life, leaves you for dead, is responsible for blinding you, and shortens your lifespan by twenty years.”

“What?” Bucky asks, surprised.

Nat raises an eyebrow, “You didn’t know?”

“No.” Bucky grinds his teeth. “No, I did not.”

She just waves her hand again, “You can read those reports yourself. To put it plainly: if he doesn’t solve the problem he’s looking at fifteen to twenty years left. Tops.”

Bucky is shocked into silence. When it’s said like that it doesn’t sound like a lot of time at all. It certainly isn’t enough time for Tony. He doesn’t even want to think about what outliving Tony would feel like. He focuses on Natasha’s face and she looks close to tears.

“I should’ve known.” She whispers. “I should have gone back, done something.”

Bucky clears his throat, “You can’t entertain what-ifs, Tasha.”

She looks at him then, dead in the eyes, “When I think of what Tony’s been through I imagine myself in that spot. I imagine it being Clint and me. And I’m crushed. It brings me to tears. And then I imagine being incapacitated in the frigid cold, alone, while the frost takes my sight from me and I almost can’t take the _thought_.”

“That’s why you’ve done all this. Why you took that bullet.”

Nat sighs and Duck comes up to cuddle with her, tucking in underneath her arm, “Tony’s my partner, my teammate, my _family_. I would’ve taken that bullet no matter what. I’m trying to say that Tony deserves all of this and more. Steve should grovel forever. Even when Tony’s finally forgiven him, even when they’ve grown stronger together as friends, Steve should still grovel.”

“When is enough?” Bucky asks, because he agrees but he doesn’t really know.

“It’s never enough. Tony will be dead and gone and Steve will be there at his grave, feeling sorry – feeling regret.”

Bucky chews on his lip, “Will they ever be close like that again?”

“Oh, I’m sure.” She yawns and Duck yawns with her. “I can see them being closer than ever. It’s just going to take time and work. You need to ask Steve if he’s up for that work.”

Bucky nods, “I know that Tony wants that back. He wants that closeness.”

“That’s good.” Another yawn. “Did you want something else? I feel like we got off track.”

Bucky leans over and kisses her forehead before giving a pat to Ducks head, “I just wanted to go over some team strategy. We can do it tomorrow.”

“Mmkay. Sounds good. Want me to meet you for it?”

Bucky laughs and makes his way to the door, “You stay in bed until Bruce clears you. I’ll meet you.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

-

Wanda was there in Tony’s workshop when he finally made it.

Tony’s momentarily overwhelmed. Steve’s in the forefront of his mind and he still feels anxious. Hell, he’s always anxious around Steve anymore. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Almost like since he’s been betrayed once that he’ll get it again.

He just stares at Wanda and she stares back. It’s so quiet. Quiet enough that the silence has taken on a slight ring and he has come to understand is cochlear damage.

Tony is caught on whether or not he wants to say anything. Whether or not he can. But he’s desperate. Things are forming in his mind faster than he can process and it’s a bit too much. And then he remembers their last talk, about how as victims they have to stay together, and he decides to let it all go at once.

He blurts out, “Steve wants to talk to me. He’s making dinner and we are going to eat and talk and I’m freaking out. I’m terrified. I’m so scared because it’s like reliving it every time I talk about it. But I want 'us' back so badly.” He’s close to sobbing now, tears that can’t form leaving his face dry even as his breath catches. “I miss him, Wanda. I want my friend back. And I just cant-“

Wanda walks forward slowly, giving him the chance to say no, and stands in front of him and asks, “Can I touch you?”

He nods, hiccupping, and is still surprised when she brings her arms around his middle and hugs him. It breaks him down then, hard, and his whole body is shuddering with sobs while he tries desperately to breathe.

“Can I have this? Should I want it?”

Wanda rubs his back and shushes him comfortingly, “What’s your gut tell you, Tony?”

“I don’t know. I can’t tell. There’s too much going on.”

She squeezes him once before pulling away a little and leading him to a chair. She keeps a hold of his hands and he almost laughs at how dainty they look in his own. He looks back up at her to find her own eyes are red-rimmed and she’s shed a few tears of her own.

“I’m going to ask you something and I want you to tell me the first thing that comes to mind, ok?”

Tony nods and realizes that she’s keeping his hands from shaking.

“Do you want to have Steve back in your life?”

“Yes.” Tony says with no thought.

“Ok.” She bites her lip and nods to herself. “Do you want to be close with Steve again?”

It takes a little longer but he says, “Yes.”

She squeezes his hands, “Good. Ok, last one. _Can_ you be close to Steve again?”

“Yes.” He says, drawing the word out.

She smiles, “You can do this, then. If you’d have said no I would have said that a professional relationship with him would be the best you can do. But I know you, Tony. Perhaps not well, but I know enough. And if you believe you can do something, I know you can do it. That’s the person you are.”

Tony returns her smile a little and releases her hands to offer her a chair.

“I feel like I’m crazy. Like I’m going crazy.” Tony finally says, hands running though his hair.

Wanda gives him a look, “Do not say that. You are not ‘crazy’.”

“What is it then?”

“You’ve had a lot happen to you.” She folds her hands in her lap and tilts her head to the side. “You cannot expect someone to go through so much trauma and come out unscathed.”

Tony scoffs, “Still sounds like I’m crazy.”

“Let me ask you some more questions.” Wanda waits for his nod and purses her lips for a moment before continuing. “Should I be expected to be fine after being kept in confinement?”

“No.”

Wanda nods, “Should Natasha be expected to be fine after her time in the Red Room?”

Tony’s face twists and he says, “Of course not.”

“So why is it then, after all of you’ve been through, you expect yourself to be fine?”

Tony laughs and puts his head in his hands, “It feels different.”

“From where I’m sitting, it is not.” Wanda brings up a hand and rubs his back again. “You have to allow yourself to feel, Tony. Understand that what you feel is valid. You are not crazy. You’re a _person_ with _feelings_.”

“When did you get this wise?”

Wanda laughs, “I’m just parroting Natasha. She’s had the time to figure things out. You and I are late to the game.”

It’s quiet again but it feels less stressful. His hands have stopped shaking and the soothing motion of Wanda’s hand across his back has really helped him calm down.

“What do I do?” He whispers and rubs his eyes, noting that he needs to lubricate them tonight. “I can’t handle being around him if this is how I feel every time.”

Wanda clicks her tongue, “You’re going to feel like that in one capacity or another, Tony. You cannot blame your body or your mind for its responses. The best you can do is work through those issues individually. Give them your time and attention.”

“This sounds like you want me in therapy.”

“Maybe therapy wouldn’t be a bad thing. For any of us, honestly. We cannot pretend to be so big as to not need help. Even heroes need help, Tony.”

Tony sits up and laughs, “Now that sounds like Tasha.”

Wanda laughs with him and claps her hands together in her lap. The laughter dies and Tony can tell that he feels markedly better.

“You can,” Tony gestures to his head, “feel my brain or whatever, right.”

She furrows her brow for a moment and frowns for a moment, “In a way. Why?”

“I’m talking to Steve. We’re having dinner.” He clears his throat. “I don’t think I need anyone there. But could you, just in case, maybe…”

Her face relaxes and she smiles, softly, “That I can do, Tony.”

-

Bucky’s in Tony and his room, strategic plans and models strewn about around him. He knows that Tony can handle himself but he’s worried. Surprisingly, FRIDAY is as well and has informed Bucky about her own alert system. It’s endearing and frightening at the same time.

He eats the last bit of his Thai takeout. Bucky had grown fond of the place and was having trouble not ordering it at every opportunity.

Mouth full, he dials Pepper’s phone, expecting to get her voicemail. He’s surprised, close to choking when the line picks up on the second ring.

“James.” Pepper says, sounding pleased and mildly concerned. “What can I do you for?”

“Um.” He says, swallowing, feeling ridiculous. “I was hoping to arrange a meeting with you and your lawyers.”

“Ok? Whatever for?”

Bucky winces, “It’s, unfortunately, for advice. We need to draw up a plan for speak with the UN.”

“I knew this day would come.” Pepper says and she sounds pulled away from the phone. “I’m leaving work now. I’m actually on my way back over to the mansion to spend some time with Natasha.”

“She’s pretty conked out for the night.” Bucky grimaces, “She’s had a long day.”

He can hear Pepper shrug into her coat, “That’s fine. I was planning on staying over anyway. This will give the two of us time to hash out what we’re going over. I’m a visual thinker.”

Bucky nods, “Me, too. So, I’ll see you soon?”

“Yes. I’m going to be stopping by that Thai place for dinner. I’m starving. Do you want any?”

Bucky looks at his empty takeout box and shrugs, “Sure. I can always eat.”

She laughs, “Should I expect Tony to be joining us?”

“Not tonight. He has other dinner plans.”

Pepper clicks her tongue, “Too bad. I’ll see you in forty-five.”

“Drive safe.”

Pepper hangs up and Bucky sits back. He takes in the mess around him on the bed and sighs. He makes a quick job of cleaning up and organizing his things before making his way down to the board room. He gets the coffee pot going and gets comfortable in a chair, going over his work so far while he waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm dragging stuff out too much here but I also feel like it's important for emotional development for everyone specifically Tony. We are moving forward though.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Graphic depictions of a panic attack and cardiac event*

Steve was incredibly nervous.

This was his shot. He didn’t suppose moments like this came easy. His chance to talk to Tony was a miracle for him. He’d missed Tony in the most painful of ways. He knew now that he’d been blind. Caught up in the storm of his own feelings he’d betrayed a friend – a friend that could rival his bond with Bucky – and he’d lost it. He’d almost killed him, in fact.

That notion, just the idea, chilled Steve to the bone. Ever since Wakanda and Natasha’s numerous talks with him he had slowly come to realize what an ass he’d been. Steve knew that he didn’t deserve Tony’s friendship but he would try his best to keep it. And not for the things that came with being Tony’s friend. Just Tony. Because when it came down to it Tony is all he wanted.

“You’re going to burn that chicken.”

Sam surprises him, making Steve burn himself on the skillet while a sharp curse leaves his mouth. Steve breathes, takes a firm grip on the spatula and shoots Sam a look.

“I’m watching it.”

Sam chuckles and crosses his arms, “You had that stare you get when you’re all deep in thought. Move over, I’ll finish and you can vent. Something’s up.”

Steve sighs but relents the spatula and moves to lean against the counter. It’s silent for a moment where there’s only the sound of the sizzling chicken to break it. Sam quirks his mouth and looks up at Steve.

“You gonna start or do I have to just talk and wait for you to jump in?”

Steve shakes his head and seems to steel himself, “I’m having dinner with Tony tonight.”

“I figured.” Steve looks confused and Sam just laughs, “Please. Between you and Rhodey I know more about Tony than I should considering I’ve never had a personal conversation with the man. I know this is one of his faves.”

“I don’t know what to do. I messed up.”

Sam laughs, “That’s an understatement.”

“Come on,” Steve sighs. “I know that. I need advice.”

“Well, I’m sorry I don’t have the hallmark card for lying to your friend and then leaving him to die.” Sam shakes his head. “I really do not have a frame of reference to work with here.”

Steve feels a little broken in that moment, “Nat doesn’t even know. No one does.”

“You can’t expect them to.” Sam turns down the heat on the skillet, waits, and then adds Steve’s homemade cream sauce. “But I can tell you what I _think_.”

“Please.” Steve pleads.

Sam nods and brings the sauce up to a light boil, “Bear in mind that this is just what I think. Not what I know will work.”

“Ok.”

“He’s going to have problems, Steve. You’ve been a little too involved in your own head here. But I’ve worked with the VA. I’ve seen PTSD at its worst. Hell, I’ve got it. Most of us on this rag-tag team do. But Tony worries me the most. Your betrayal aside, he spent weeks up there dying. That alone is enough to really mess someone up. Tack on that you left him there? And that it was all because you lied?” Sam shakes his head, “He’s bound to practically go into a panic at the thought of you.”

Steve blanches. He hadn’t even thought of it. The idea that Steve’s mere presence would disrupt Tony’s mental peace makes him close to crying. His hands are shaking and there are tears welling up. He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and takes in a sharp breath. Tony was struggling so much every day and Steve only made that worse.

“I make it all worse.”

Sam nods and pulls two plates down, dropping a hefty amount of noodles onto both, “You’re a trigger.”

“So why did he agree to this? Why is he doing this to himself?”

“Well, Rhodey would say it’s because Tony’s stubborn. I’d say it’s that and something else.”

“What?”

Sam ladles some sauce and chicken over the noodles and then looks up at Steve with a soft smile, “He misses you, Steve. You both were close. The kind of close he is with Rhodey. He wants, desperately, to be close to you again. I may not have clicked with the guy right off but I see how he grows on you.”

Steve frowns, sad, “I don’t deserve that, though.”

“You’re damn right.” Sam laughs and hands the plates over to Steve. “You gotta earn that shit. So do it. Go out there and start earning.”

-

Tony came down into the dining room and with each step he was steeling himself.

Steve was there, standing awkwardly while two steaming plates of pasta waited for them on the table. There was a moment where Tony and Steve faced off. Both men too uncomfortable and nervous to be the first to say anything. Tony looks at Steve’s face and he sees it there, he sees Steve’s pain. And he’s furious in that moment. This isn’t about Steve, it’s about him. But then he shakes his head and tries to focus. He has the right to be angry but he also needs to try and make headway.

“It looks good.”

Steve seems to deflate a little and smiles, “You taught me how to make it.”

“Well,” Tony says, moving into the room and sitting in front of a plate, “you always spun your own flair when it came to cooking. But that’s how your mother cooked.”

Steve laughs and sits down, “It’s the best way to cook.”

“Oh, I’m not refuting that. I’m against changing the recipe in the middle of the process.”

“Yeah, I know, you say that every time.”

Tony smirks, “And yet you do it every time.”

“You’re weirdly strict about cooking considering that your approach to your work is completely opposite.”

“I like to be complicated.”

“That you are.” Steve sighs, smiling softly.

Oh, god, Tony really missed this. Their food, cooling and still untouched, is what Tony focused on. He twirled angel hair pasta onto his fork and took a bite. Steve, following suit, did the same. It was quiet again and painfully awkward and Tony was stuck between wanting to leave and dying to stay. There was a part of him that felt soothed by Steve’s presence. The way he used to be whenever they were together. But there was another part of him, the larger, more rational part of him that is still terrified.

He’s not really afraid of Steve lashing out again. It’s not as if he thinks Steve will hit him, not really, anyway. He is, however, afraid that everything he is going to say is a lie. That anything he promises is going to be the start of another betrayal. There’s always something.

“You know that I’m sorry, right, Tony?” Steve tries reaching for Tony’s hand and is shocked when he flinches.

Tony’s heartrate picks up and his heart clenches painfully.

“I know.”

Steve pulls his hand back to grip his fork tightly, “I was just trying to protect Bucky. Wouldn’t you do that for him, too?”

“No.” Tony says, setting down his own fork and leaning back to look at Steve. “You don’t get to do that. You could have protected him and still have respected me as a person. As your friend!” Tony laughs and it sounds hollow. “How am I supposed to trust you again?”

Steve slaps his hands on the table and rises out of his chair causing Tony to flinch, jumping out of his own chair.

“I can’t control how you feel, Tony!”

Tony presses a hand to his chest and takes in a shaky breath. He eyes Steve, scared out of his wits, and tries to breathe his way slowly through the sharp pain shooting through his arm. It’s tense, food forgotten and going cold. Tony tries to swallow, his eyesight narrowing down while the pain in his chest turns crushing.

He manages to wheeze out, “You’re so much like him. You’re Obie. Lying to me for your own gain. Leaving me to die. Let me ask you this: were we ever friends?” His voice rises until he’s practically yelling, “Did you ever care about me?”

Steve makes an aborted move towards Tony and even though he keeps himself reined in the action sends Tony over. Suddenly, FRIDAY is practically screaming something that he can’t hear. His eyesight goes completely and it’s so dark that all he can call out is a sad cry. Then comes feeling incredibly unbalanced and he’s tipping over.

He falls to his knees, gripping his chest, and is trying to catch breath that will not come.

-

Steve’s whole body goes lax when he sees Tony sink to his knees. God, he'd just lost it so completely. He always seemed to let his base emotions get the better of him.

He doesn’t know what to do. Something’s happening. His mind picks up again when he hears FRIDAY shouting for a second time, claxon pounding and lights flashing with it.

“Code Red-24! Dining room!” And then, desperately, “Tony, I’m sending Bucky.”

Steve watches as Tony, blue-faced and wheezing on the floor, shakes his head.

It’s then that Steve shakes himself out of his stupor and the situation sinks in. Tony’s having a heart attack. He’s caused this. Steve was so caught up in himself and trying to shirk his own responsibility that he’d let it get out of control. Sam was right. He is Tony’s trigger.

Steve moves then around the table and reaches for Tony.

“No!” Tony tries to yell while he tries to scoot further away from Steve, wincing.

He tries again, “Tony, just-“

“Stay away from me!” Tony screams this time, hoarse, and then whispers, “It’s so cold.”

Bucky bursts into the room then, eyes wild, panicking, “Tony?!”

He sees him then on the floor and gives Steve one sharp, accusing look before moving over slowly. Tony flinches back from him, too. Scrambling away to put his back against the wall.

“FRIDAY,” Bucky half-yells, “get Thor’s ass down here.”

The large, lumbering man is there before Bucky can finish his sentence and takes in the scene quickly before getting down on one knee a few feet from Tony. He’s still large but manages to look less imposing. He catches Tony’s eye and gives him a small smile.

“Dear Tony,” he begins, softly, “may I come closer?”

Tony eyes him for a moment before nodding, sob catching in his chest making him groan in pain.

Thor moves closer and makes a show of catching Tony’s gaze again, “I need to pick you up, friend. Is this alright?”

He looks close to refusing but relents and is gathered up into the god’s arms. Steve, painfully aware of how small and broken Tony looks in Thor’s arms, watches, rapt, until he leaves the room. Bucky’s there and the worst part is that he doesn’t yell. He doesn’t swing out at him. He just stands in front of Steve and levels him with a cold, frank stare.

“Until you can approach Tony without being a complete ass you do not deserve to talk to him. Figure your shit out, Rogers.”

And then he leaves and Steve is left alone in the quiet of the dining room.

-

Pepper, having seen to Tony first, then responds to an urgent text from Natasha.

She’s in her room, trying her best to get into a shirt. She’s having difficulty doing much with the thick bandaging over her chest and ribs.

“Help me.” Nat grits out. “Please.”

Pepper stops her and forces her to sit with a firm but gentle hand.

“You and I both know that it would only cause Tony more pain to see you hurt. Sit.”

Natasha sighs, tears the shirt off and sits, “Tell me. What happened?”

“He’s had a small cardiac event. Elevated blood pressure damaged his eye implants.” Pepper clears her throat and wipes her eyes, “He’s had a pretty severe PTSD episode.”

“Steve.” Nat states, rather than asks.

Pepper nods, “I’ve reviewed the footage. It wasn’t physically violent.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“I know.”

Nat rubs her eyes and looks up at Pepper, “I need to see him, Pep. I can’t just sit here.”

“Bucky is with him. Wanda, too. She’s helping him rather substantially.”

“How is that?”

Pepper smiles, “She’s projecting real-time images into his brain while they try to fix his prosthetic eyes.”

Natasha feels a swell of pride at that. Wanda has been doing so well.

“Ok.” Nat sighs. “What about Steve?”

Pepper’s lips press into a thin line, “He’s left.”

“He just left?”

“With Mr. Wilson.” Pepper moves closer to take her chair at the side of Nat’s bed. “All I heard was that they’re going off in search of something. I heard ‘Siberia’ mentioned.”

Nat furrows her brows, “What in the world is in Siberia?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the darkest before the dawn, guys. It'll be ok...eventually. 
> 
> Special thanks to Moonlighht for being a complete doll. Thank you for being my soundboard and for dealing with all my bullshit! You can thank them for going through this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

“You know that I’d follow you anywhere, man. I mean, that much is obvious.” Sam looks at Steve briefly before returning his full attention to piloting. “But I’m not doing that blindly. You need to start telling me stuff. Because the last time I did that the team was broken up and fighting at a terminal.”

Steve grinds his teeth, “I know.”

“I mean, I didn’t even read the Accords. None of us besides Tony and Natasha gave it a second look.”

“I know.”

Sam chuckles, “Well, if you know, start sharing. Because you’re my friend but I’m not going to find myself on the wrong side of a war just because you said so.”

“This isn’t a war.”

“Bullshit.” Sam scoffs. “I know that you don’t want to be Captain America anymore but you still carry that title – for now – so you need to start looking into what you stand for. If you knew half the shit our government has done since you’ve been in the ice you wouldn’t be handing over your uniform, you’d be burning it.”

“People need Captain America.”

Sam gives him a sidelong roll of the eyes, “No. People need reliable heroes. Captain America was and still is just propaganda. Think about it, Steve. Captain America represents America. It’s in the fucking name.”

“So?”

“So,” Sam laughs, “every time you go out, every time you fight in another country, you’re America’s unofficial Ambassador. The things you do in that suit reflect on our country. The Accords was written as more than an act of control. They were written in part to keep you from starting another war.”

Steve grinds his teeth and looks out the window, watching endless ocean speed by underneath them. He supposes it’s true. His suit is red, white, and blue. He practically wears the flag. But he didn’t make it a point to educate himself about the government of the future. Steve hadn’t thought it necessary. War is war.

“I didn’t know.” Steve clears his throat. “I didn’t know about all the bad things the US government was doing – is doing.”

Sam shrugs, “I didn’t figure you did. But it’s time you figured it out. Even with you giving the mantel over.”

“This is what Tony was trying to talk about.”

“Yeah, the man is shit at talking sometimes but when he does he knows what he’s talking about. The world is more complicated than you think, Steve. You can’t expect to just practically invade another country without ramifications.”

Steve shrugs, “I know that now. I’ve signed the Accords. Why does it matter? I’m handing the title over.”

“Why does it matter?” Sam laughs again. “Because you are the first ever. You’re an idol. People look up to you. Even when Bucky is wearing the suit you will still be looked up to. You have one of the strongest voices in the nation, Steve. It’s about time you spoke up.”

“I understand.” Steve smirks and shakes his head. “I always wanted to fight for the little guy. I wanted to take down bullies. I just didn’t realize that my own country had become one.”

“The more you know.”

“Speaking of which,” Steve says, eyeing the encroaching land, “I need to tell you what we’re here for.”

“Finally.”

Steve smiles fully before his face draws, serious, “This place is the compound where the other Winter Soldiers are held. I assume that something of Zola’s must be here. I’m hoping for some of his research on the serum he made for Buck and the others.”

“For what, exactly?”

“I want to combine whatever we find with anything Howard has left over of his and Dr. Erskine’s research. Maybe Bruce can put together something of the same caliber.”

Sam sighs, “Do I have to keep prompting you to talk?”

“I want to save Tony. His heart and lungs – the years taken off his life. I need to fix this. It’s my responsibility.”

-

Tony had been ordered to a mandatory three days of bed rest and he was slowly going insane.

Bucky was doing everything for him; bringing him food, bringing up small projects for Tony to work on in bed, and had taken advantage of his bed rest by forcing him to sign paperwork for Pepper. He was a classic mother hen and Tony was both pleased and displeased by the revelation. Bucky seemed to be happy and in his element. Taking care of people was in his blood.

That’s not to say that he was happy about Tony’s situation, though. In fact, he’d been a sight to behold after Tony had been stabilized. He’d locked everyone out of their room, including himself, so that Tony could let people in when he was ready. Between Bucky and FRIDAY it would take a miracle to push boundaries.

But Tony had let everyone in from the get-go because he was _fine_ and _no_ he didn’t need the space. If anything, he wanted nothing but constant physical affection. Natasha had visited him for a shared nap with the cat named Duck, both of them sprawled on the bed and Duck nestled between them like a weird feline child. It had been nice, relaxing and heartwarming. She hadn’t made him talk but the implication that she was there for him if he wanted had hanged between them.

After a solid nap and indulging in a movie, she’d left- finally healed enough to walk around- and made her way downstairs to talk strategy with Pepper. Tony’s only demand had been that she send Bucky up.

He came rather quickly.

“Do you need something, Tony?”

Tony just shook his head and blinked slowly, still sleepy, and said, “I just want you. Come here.”

Bucky smiles, relieved, and crawls into bed next to Tony. They tangle just enough that Tony feels comfortable and Bucky searches his eyes for something.

“How are you?”

Tony sighs, “I’d feel better if people would stop asking me how I was feeling.”

“They’re worried.”

“And I’m over it. It just makes it weird to keep talking about it.”

Bucky sighs this time, “We need to know what to do for you Tony. You don’t need to shoulder this all by yourself. Let us make things easier for you.”

“I don’t think it matters what you do.” Tony chews his lip for a moment. “Not in a bad way, it’s just…Ok, look, Steve didn’t do anything and yet –“

“I’m going to stop you right there and I’m sorry for interrupting you but Steve did do something. He screamed and was physically violent. He may not have hit you but his actions were inherently violent. That’s not ok and obviously triggers you.”

Tony shrugs, “I made him angry.”

Bucky clicks his tongue, “That doesn’t matter. You both still have control over your actions. He could have handled it better.”

“For what it’s worth, I do remember him trying to help me up.”

“I know.” Bucky sucks his teeth for a second before looking back at Tony. “I think he fully understands now the extent of your problems. I’m hoping that with that clarity he will take responsibility for his actions in a more complete way and start making it up to you.”

“That’s a lot to ask of a person, Bucky.” Tony snuggles in a little closer. “What if he doesn’t want to?”

“I think he does.”

“Why?”

Bucky searches Tony’s eyes for a moment before saying, “He left for Siberia with Sam not too long after your episode.”

Tony processes this for a minute and then whispers, “You think he’s looking for Zola’s research.”

Bucky nods, “I think he’s trying to find a way to help you.”

“I hope he realizes there’s sure to be a failsafe there.” Tony feels his heart pick up. “Zola was a literal evil genius. Evil not stupid.”

Bucky shrugs, “I’m sure he’ll figure it out.”

It’s silent for a while and Tony feels tired again. He knows Bucky must be, too. His eyes are drooping, long lashes standing out against tanned skin. Tony is still constantly thrown by how much he loves the color of his eyes. They’re the type of blue that makes you feel at home.

“I love you.” Tony leans forward to kiss Bucky’s forehead. “Please know that. When I flinched away from you earlier…I just. I’m sorry.”

Bucky brings up his metal hand and rests it on Tony’s cheek, thumb rubbing across his cheek bone. In this moment it does not scare Tony. Instead, he feels a calm unique to being around Bucky. The kind of feeling he knows comes with being around someone you love and trust wholeheartedly.

“Its fine, Tony. I want you to know that things like that won’t ever upset me. I know what you need.” He kiss Tony’s forehead then and when they settle he says, sleepily, “I love you, too.”

-

“There’s not really anything that I can do legally.” Pepper tells Nat the moment she walks into the conference room. “The Black Vortex is an alien artifact. There’s no one here on Earth who can claim it as theirs. Besides, that’s never stopped them before. The US government is still trying to get its hands on War Machine.”

Nat shrugs and suppresses a wince, “So what? They’re going to assume conservator status and call it theirs? I figured.”

“There’s not much we can do other than make our case and pray.” Pepper leans back in her chair and chews on the end of her pen for a moment. “You’re in a tight bind here. If they refuse the Avengers as holders for the Vortex you’re suddenly at odds with them. The best thing for you is going to be Thor. Use his Off-Worlder stance. Casually insinuate that Asgard is backing the Avengers.”

“T’Challa, too.” Nat adds, leaning forward. “I’ll have to confirm but I’m almost positive he’ll be on our side. And if he shows his support the countries that trade with him with fold.”

Pepper nods, “Stark Industries has significant trade with some other countries. I’d hate to do it but we could exploit that and tip the scales further in our favor.”

“I don’t know,” Nat shakes her head, “people already think lowly of Tony. We could end up turning them against us in the future.”

Pepper shrugs, “That’s the nature of SI. People have a love/hate relationship with us. Think of it this way: positive reinforcement. They support us and we support them.”

“Will Tony like that manipulation?”

“Business can’t be morally good all the time, Tasha. There are always going to be gray areas. You know that better than most.”

“That I do.” She sighs, “I guess I just wish that we could stay good. I’m tired of being in the red.”

Pepper reaches across the table and grabs one of Natasha’s hands, “You’re not in the red anymore, Natasha. I look at you and I see a good person.”

Nat just shakes her head a little and squeezes Pepper’s hand, “So how many countries does that account for? What can we expect?”

“Well,” Pepper starts, pulling her hand away to shuffle through the papers in front of her, “about fifty-three. Just under half. And that’s assuming that the ones affiliated with SI vote in our favor.”

“Have you thought about opening trade with some of the others to sway their votes?”

“It’s possible but not likely. That kind of power comes with loyalty. We’d need to be working with them for years to get that kind of response. It wouldn’t be a bad idea for future things, though.”

“I still have a…presence in high places. I could exploit that.”

Pepper shakes her head, “I know you don’t want to do that anymore. Don’t put yourself in that position.”

“We need something. Two-thirds vote is what we need and we don’t even have half.”

“There’s no use in continuing to speculate. You just need to make your case. Bucky has been going over it rather extensively with me.”

Nat nods, “He’s good at this. He’s a natural.”

It silent for a moment and Pepper looks contemplative before steeling herself and asking, “Have you eaten dinner?”

“Not yet.”

“How do you feel?”

Nat shrugs, “I could go somewhere.”

“How does that diner sound?”

“I could go for some sirloin tips.”

Pepper smiles, “It’s a date, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a job today! I start training tomorrow so I wanted to give you all a small update. Chapters won't be daily anymore but I will be working on longer ones to post once a week. Maybe bi-weekly. 
> 
> Many thanks for the amazing fanart done by Moonlighht. Also known as nephirax on tumblr! Follow them!
> 
> I'm still so !!!!!! about the art and I will love it forever.


	5. Failsafe

Tony made it is goal to find something to give Wanda.

Her help after his attack – streaming everything into his brain in real-time – had saved him from going crazy. Seeing Bucky and the gang there, watching over him, encouraging him, had been a blessing. That girl was so good and she didn’t even realize it. Wanda is a saint and Tony wanted her to know that he values and appreciates her.

The problem then is figuring out what to give someone who can manipulate energy. Tony had yet to really, truly understand how it worked and while it interested him he was still more focused on what to give her.

But then it hit him: clothes. Everyone likes getting new clothes and Wanda already had a solid style made up predominately of red, leather, boots, and dresses. Tony could get behind that. So he set her up with her own bank account linked through his own and had the card made and delivered all in one fell swoop.

“You want me to buy clothes?” Wanda askes, looking the card over.

Tony nods, “It’s my gift to you. Buy whatever you want. Go on a spree. I’ll build you a bigger closet if I need to.”

“You do not have to buy me things nor do you have to give me your money.”

“Ah,” Tony nods and then taps the card in her hands, “but I want to. This is my thanks.”

“This seems disproportionate.”

Tony laughs, “This isn’t even the beginning, sugar. What you did for me, your kindness, I can never really repay.”

“You are my team, Tony. My family. I do not need incentives in order to help you when you need help.”

“I know.” Tony says and he isn’t lying. “But I want to do this for you anyway. It’s the least I could do.”

Wanda smiles at him and leans in for a quick, thorough hug, “Will you shop with me?”

“We'll go on a spree and watch a few movies.” Tony says, smiling.

-

“So, I’m looking up this Zola guy.” Sam clicks his tongue. “He’s a little crazy, yeah?”

Sam and Steve are back in the compound surrounded by dead, decaying soldiers in glass coffins. Steve is looking at the screen that had shown off the Stark’s deaths and wishes that he could go back in time and do things differently. He knows though, intellectually, that he can’t and focuses again on the task ahead.

“He was a scientist for the other side. Worked on trying to recreate the soldier serum.” Steve turns to look at Sam, “What else do you need to know?”

“Okay, so first of all: I am not a Super Soldier so my likelihood of dying or being irreparably injured is like ten times more than yours. Secondly,” Sam says, counting off with his fingers, “I don’t trust evil anything. Evil scientists, evil soldiers, Evil Knievel – none of it! Besides, Nat warned me about your last run in with Zola.”

“To be fair, Hydra was much more put together then.” Steve argues. “But I see your point.”

Sam sighs, “So what do booby-traps really look like? I can’t imagine it’s all trip wires and pressure tiles.”

“If it’s anything like last time it could be as simple as entering the facility.”

“Oh, that’s comforting.”

Steve walks around the room and searches for a way into the control room, “During the fight nothing went off so if Zola’s stuff is here it’s probably not in this room.”

“Found something!” Sam says, standing in front of an almost impossible to see door cut into the metal siding.

Steve makes his way across the room, “Open it.”

“Nah man.” Sam shakes his head. “I have a husband to think about. We want to have kids. I like having all my limbs. I’ve seen scary movies _and_ action movies, Steve. I’m not going first.”

“Just scan for it.” Steve sighs and gives the door a look- over. “It looks ok.”

Sam clicks his tongue and gives Steve a side-eye look, “Isn’t that the point of a trap? That you can’t see it?”

Sam scans anyway and finds no structural anomalies and just gestures to Steve. Steve opens the door, slowly and with care, and coughs when a draft catches a decently sized cloud of dust as the door lets out a loud squeak.

“This whole place could use some WD-40.”

“I don’t know what that means.” Steve says, moving in slowly.

Sam shakes his head, following Steve, “It’s this shit you use on squeaking stuff that needs lubrication, man.”

“Can you use it on anything?”

“No, just metal – you know what? Read the damn can when we get home.” Sam sends the falcon ahead of Steve, scanning the staircase, “Just keep your eyes open and your mouth shut.”

They reach the control room without any hiccups and Steve grimaces at the sight of it. This was where it had all gone to shit. This is where Steve’s own self-centered behavior had torn the entire team apart. He knew that above them in the concrete alcoves above him there was a space where he could see bits and pieces of Bucky’s arm and Tony’s suit still littering the cool floor.

“Is this a tour or are we going to keep moving?”

Steve shifts his weight, “I’m just thinking. The last time we were here there was nothing. No traps, no sensors. And we tore up quite a bit of the place. Everything from here upwards.”

“So you’re thinking we gotta go down?” Sam huffs.

“Yeah,” Steve nods, “we need to find the basement.”

Sam waves out a hand and turns the auxiliary power on with another, “Well, lead the way.”

They make their way out of the control room and branch off the staircase into a hallway. The space is small, barely enough for the two of them to stand shoulder to shoulder, and doors dot the hallway for a good five hundred feet. Blinking red lights line the ceiling and seem to pulse along with their heartbeats.

“This shit is ominous as fuck.” Sam mumbles to himself, “Shoulda listened to Rhodey and stayed the fuck home.”

Steve walks to the first door and tries the doorknob, finding it locked. He takes his shield and brings it down hard, taking the whole knob off with a loud clatter. Sam twitches next to him and punches Steve in the shoulder.

“Is this really the best way to get into a locked door?”

Steve shrugs, “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking,” Sam sighed, raising his hand up and jiggling some keys, “that we use these keys I found.”

“Yeah, ok.” Is all Steve can say.

So they make their way through each room, looking for a work-space or more stairs leading down. Each room is musty, stale air wafting out of them with their own flashing red lights illuminating desks, cabinets, tables, and in one case the well-preserved body of what turned out to be an American Officer chained to the table.

“Shit, man.” Sam said, looking over him, “She still has her tags on.”

Steve removes them as carefully as he can, hoping to bring them home to her family. He can’t help but imagine Tony in the same fate, left for dead and nothing more than the icy cold stillness to keep him company.

“Let’s keep going.”

After a handful of doors and the discovery of Anna Greene’s body Sam and Steve manages to find the staircase to the basement. The door, when presented, is held under lock and key via pin entry system.

“The sad thing about things like this is how easy the future makes it.” Sam says, smirking.

Sam uses an app that Tony had made specifically for this reason, blue light scanning and analyzing the number pad, and Sam enters in the code.  The door creaks open, obviously heavy and untouched all these years. Lights flicker on, dull and with a constant high-pitched whining sound. Steve can’t help but feel the cold shiver of déjà vu as they both walk into the lab.

It’s by all accounts normal. In fact, it looks a bit like a dated version of Tony’s lab and that alone is enough to make Steve a little green around the gills. It’s crazy what the difference of ideologies can do because by all other accounts Tony and Zola share more in common than Steve likes.

“I don’t like this place.”

“Yeah.” Steve answers. “Me either.”

Unlike before, a lot of Zola’s research appears to be in paperwork scattered across tables and written in cramped handwriting across blackboards. Steve thumbs through the first, closest batch and scans for anything among the wreckage that sounds like the serum or that talks about the soldiers. Sam is on the other side of the room doing the same with nothing but the sound of shifting papers between them.

Sam stops and throws his hands up, turning to Steve, “I don’t know what I’m looking through, man.”

“Same here.” Steve straightens, eyes narrowed, while he scans the space. “Something isn’t right.”

Steve moves then, lightning-quick, to the door. Just before he makes it the door shuts firmly in place and locks. He hangs his head and bangs it on the door a few times.

“Isn’t this what happened last time?”

Steve huffs, “Shut up.”

A faint clicking noise starts. Steve scrambles with Sam to locate the source. Underneath a pile of papers they find it: a countdown system.

“There’s no fuses.” Steve says, looking the clock over. “It’s too light to hold the explosives.”

Sam looks around a sees it then. Along the walls tucked up towards the ceiling are several vents with corresponding blinking lights. He checks a vent and finds it empty, for as far as he could see, and frowns.

“I don’t get what the vents are for.”

Steve shrugs, “Maybe to blow the ventilation systems to try and cut off our air supply?”

“No,” Sam drawls, considering, “so much of his work is here. What’s the point of risking a total collapse?”

They sit in silence and watch, in growing horror, as the clock ticks down.

“Wait.” Sam says. “What if the intent is to cut off all the air from the room? The door is sealed. The vents are the only source of air we have.”

Steve looks down, “So this is a countdown to our last breaths.”

“Shit.”

-

“I like having you in my life.”

That was the closest Natasha could get to telling Pepper that she loved her. Because she did love her, in that intense but soft way that love comes. It’s a constant fondness like a warmth that spreads through the chest and settles down and makes itself home.

“I love you, too.” Pepper responds.

And it’s the perfect moment. They’re in their diner, eating greasy food and sharing a pot of coffee between them. Natasha wishes she could make those words come out and she’s surprised that she’s having such a hard time of it, too. Because it wouldn’t be the first time. She’d said it many times for different reasons, most of which being the cause of a mission she was on – like a part of her cover.

She supposes that’s what makes this one so hard. Because it’s real and true. Natasha isn’t too prideful to admit that she’s scared. For the first time ever she’s afraid because what she has with Pepper is everything she could want in a relationship and in a person, and it all feels quite like it’s going to be pulled out from under her at a moment’s notice.

Pepper reaches across the table and gives her hand a squeeze, then brings it to her lips for a kiss before letting the hand go and returning to her meal. The kiss feels like a brand and Natasha could swear it was burning her but only in the best of ways. Like a promise searing into her skin.

In any other world she’d say that they got to the ‘Love’ portion too quick but in her line of work and in the nature of their lives each second counts. Having that knowledge, knowing that there are people that love you and care for you, is what inevitably keeps you going sometimes when nothing else does.

Looking across the table at Pepper, Natasha can actually see the rest of her life play out. She can imagine a house filled with their stuff. She can see herself sharing a space with someone that feels like home. She can see the dogs and Duck and is more than happy at the notion of waking up to Pepper’s face every morning.

She’s a little close to tears so she blinks quickly down at her plate and is so thankful in that movement that regardless of her past, life has decided to give her a shot again at not just her team family but this one with Pepper as well.

Natasha knows then and there that she will do anything in her power to keep it.

-

“I don’t like him being out.”

Rhodey is sitting in Tony’s lab on a table, clicking his wedding band on the cool metal, his frown deepening his wrinkles.

“I know.” Tony winces, “I’m sorry.”

Rhodey rubs his chin, “It’s not your fault Sam went.”

“I feel like it is.” Tony sighs and sets down his tools to focus on Rhodey. “It’s my fault Steve left.”

“No, it’s Steve’s fault. Everything is his fault.”

Tony picks at his nails, “You can’t blame him for everything, Rhodey.”

“I can and I will.” Rhodey sighs, “At least I will for now. Maybe I should have gone, too.”

“If you had left so would I.”

Rhodey shakes his head, “I don’t want you back there. That place isn’t good for you.”

“Check-in should be in less than a minute. I’m sure they're fine.” Tony grimaces, “Well, they’re probably mostly fine.”

“Not helping.”

“I’m just saying,” Tony waves his hands, “Steve has this way about him where he just barrels in guns blazing.”

“That’s saying a lot coming from you.”

Tony gives Rhodey a look, “That’s different. I do whatever my analysis says. Steve just _does it_.”

The alarm on Rhodey’s phone goes off and there’s no call.

“Give it a second maybe they’re busy.” Tony suggests.

The minutes tick on and with each passing one Rhodey becomes more and more tense.

“I’m calling him.”

And so he does, several times, to find nothing more than a busy signal and some automated voice that says ‘ _your call cannot be placed at this time_ ’. He looks from his phone to Tony and back again. His legs have stopped moving and he’s stopped the clicking of his wedding band. Instead, his free hand has clenches onto Tony’s workbench with a white-knuckled, crushing grip.

“They’d have to be somewhere insane to not get calls through their Stark Phones.”

Rhodey grits his teeth, “Somewhere like Zola’s lab?”

“Yeah,” Tony swallows, “that would do it.”

-

“Rhodey will come.” Steve assures Sam. “You can’t make your check-in call. He’ll come.”

Sam laughs, a little breathless, “I don’t want him to come. He still needs time with his prosthetic, Steve. He’s just now been able to walk without the assistant piece.”

“Someone will come.” Steve amends. “We have a team.”

“I know, I just…I can’t handle this.” Sam says, gesturing to the room around them. “Everything is closed off and there’s no air and it’s getting so _small_.”

Steve moves to the other side of the room and yells across it, “Look how far away I am. You’re doing fine. The room isn’t getting smaller.”

Sam laughs and brings his knees up to his chest, resting his forehead on his knees. He breaths in shallowly and tries to even out his breathing.

“You’re strong, Sam.” Steve copies Sam’s posture and sighs, his own heart rate picking up as the coolness of stone seeps in through his armor. He whispers, more to himself than to Sam, “You’re stronger than me.”

“We have a few hours.” Sam says, sounding only vaguely hysterical. “There has to be something in here.”

Then, at the same time, Sam and Steve’s heads snap up and they zero in on each other.

Together they say, “Failsafe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've not posted in forever. I've been going through some shit and I've been sick. Here you go! I'm hoping to get back into a faster posting schedule.


	6. Chapter 6

Things got tense real quick in Stark Manor.

Rhodey was still doing his best to call Sam, Bucky had come down and was currently looking more and more desperate when calls to Steve wouldn’t go through, and tony was in the center of it all already exhausted. The emotional turmoil was grating on him, revving Tony up into an uncomfortable fever pitch. He felt like he was putting out fires that fought back.

To be fair, this was serious.

Tony knew that and he figured that his brain was just desperately trying to compartmentalize so that it could operate at optimum speed without any hiccups. No matter how he felt about Steve he couldn’t just leave him there. Sure, nothing could be wrong, but, Steve has _never_ been one to miss a check-in and Sam has a newly-married husband to soothe. So yeah, there was _probably_ something wrong.

“I can try and ping the chips in their phones.”

It was then that Natasha and Pepper entered with what appeared to be to-go boxes from the diner in town. Pepper hovered around Natasha, offering soft touches and small smiles, always trying to keep in physical contact. It hurt a little for Tony to see that but most of him was just happy that Pepper was happy. Besides, Nat was a good person.

“You have chips in their phones?” Nat asks, making herself a cup of coffee and taking a sip.

Tony clicks his tongue and shrugs, “Let’s not get caught up in who put chips where and focus on the fact that Sam and Steve are probably in trouble.”

Nat sighs and asks, “When was the last check-in?”

“Approximately 2100.” Rhodey relays. “They’re in Siberia.”

“I’m assuming they’re there for Zola’s research.” Nat says rather than asks.

Tony nods, “That’s what Bucky thinks. They didn’t really say much.”

“I didn’t think an abandoned Hydra base would give them this much trouble.” Bucky adds, looking displeased with himself.

Natasha pats his hand, “You don’t know Zola the same way we do.” She frowns, “Though, Steve should have known that there would be some sort of trap. It’s not his first time tangoing with him.”

“Ok, back on track.” Pepper claps. “Tony, any luck?”

“Just a weak signal. It doesn’t really tell me much other than that their phones are intact and vaguely in the vicinity of the compound.”

Rhodey snorts, “So nothing.”

“Hey,” Natasha ribs him, “at least there’s a signal at all.”

Rhodey offers a weak smile, “We should get a hold of Clint. They’re buddies.”

Bucky nods and leaves the room to call Clint. It is silent for a moment and Tony tries to imagine Steve being gone and he suddenly feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. Their recent problem aside he knows Steve has been trying. He’s learned from his mistakes. He deserves that chance.

And then he looks at Rhodey’s face. It’s drawn, eyes looking vacant and brows furrowed, trying to solve an equation Tony can’t see. He knows Rhodey loves Sam and each moment of silence is another pound of weight added to his shoulders.

He has to fix this. Tony wants Steve safe and Sam back to Rhodey where he belongs.

“We should send Thor.” Pepper says, almost surprised with herself.

Tony nods, "Yeah, lets send him."

He doesn't say that Thor's the only one who could get there fast enough to stop anything bad from happening or getting worse.

-

“Man, I can’t find anything.”

Steve shrugs, “Don’t feel bad. Zola was a genius.”

“Are you implying that I’m not a genius?”

“Well, I-“

Sam laughs, “Its ok, Steve. I’m just messing. I make bad jokes under pressure.”

“What’s the timer say?”

There’s a moment of silence before Steve says, flippant, “Two hours.”

“You know, I almost wish it would go by faster.”

“I know what you mean.”

Another moment of silence and then Sam says, quiet, “Do you think they’re coming for us?”

“I’m sure.” Steve says, and he is. “Someone will come.”

“I can’t imagine what Rhodey is going through right now.”

Steve stops his search and looks at Sam, “What do you mean?”

“There have been a lot of times people close to him have been in situations like this or kidnapped. Most of them were Tony but you catch my drift. It wears on a person.”

“And now I’ve been the cause of two of them.” Steve whispers.

Sam shrugs, “Your thing with Tony was definitely on you but this? This is on me. I decided to come.”

“He should know, though, that as an Avenger there are going to be a lot of situations like this.” Steve says, skirting the mention of Tony altogether.

“That’s what I said. And he told me he was ok with it. I guess this is just the test, then.”

Steve eyes Sam, “And what if he can’t handle it?”

Sam is silent for a moment and then sighs, looking Steve in the eye, “I’d quit, honestly. Or at least be on as needed. You know, only for the big stuff. I can’t lose Rhodey, Steve.”

“I want that.” Steve whispers. “I want someone that feels that way about me.”               

“You have that.” Sam gives him a considering look and then continues, “Tony cares about you, Steve. No matter what you do, he will always be there. I bet you your bottom dollar that he’s there with Rhodey, coming up with a plan.”

“How do you deserve someone that cares that much about you?”

Sam shrugs, “You’re never going to feel like you deserve them. To this day I don’t think I deserve Rhodey. He’s so much more than me in every way.”

“I think you’re great together.”

“That’s the plus side of an outside perspective. I can tell you, from where I’m standing, that Tony cares for you. You deserve to be happy, Steve. You just need to work to deserve Tony, though, ya know what I mean?”

Steve nods and looks off into the middle distance. Tony’s attack had opened his eyes and he realized now exactly how much what Steve had done effected Tony. He steeled himself in that moment, promising himself that he would do his best to do right by Tony. If he ever got out of here.

Sam clapped his hands suddenly, “that’s it! Did Zola have a partner?”

“All I’ve managed to find is this photo.” Steve says, rifling through the mess on one desk.

He pulls out a dusty frame. The picture is a candid of a woman at her desk, smiling while she looks into a microscope. Her hair is long and pulled back into a traditional but efficient hairdo of curls and pins. She wears no makeup but her nails are immaculately done.

Steve pulls the photo out of its press between glass and metal backing and turns the photo over.

_Erna Schmid – May, 1935_

“It can’t be this easy.” Steve says, skeptical.

Sam shrugs, “Sometimes it is. A lot of my passwords are a combination of my mother's first name and when she was born. It’s sentimental.”

“Doesn’t that seem obvious?”

Sam moves over to the clock and looks first at the keys and then to Steve, “There’s no harm in trying, right?”

-

Somewhere, deep in the vast coldness of space a team with more blood on their hands than even Natasha claims stirs at the first little bit of news of the Black Vortex. They’re rearing and ready in a moment, slamming their ship into gear and leaving the planet they’d taken siege of before.

They know that earth is the new destination and they plan to wait there, causing as much havoc as they can. Their hope is to be there before all others and to fight any who stand in their way.

They’ve lost the Vortex once before. They aren’t going to again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll find out the boys' fate in the next chapter. Which is going to be longer, I promise.
> 
> I want you all to know that Nanowrimo is coming up soon and when it does I'll be focusing a lot of my energy on that for my novel. My goal is to give you a bigger update before it starts.


	7. Chapter 7

“What are the chances that putting in the wrong thing will end badly?” Steve asks, eyeing the keypad Sam is holding.

Sam shrugs and shakes his head a little, “You never want something that’ll go up in flames at the first incorrect pin. You always have to take in human error.”

“True.” Steve purses his lips and looks again at the back of the photo. “Do you have any guesses to how many numbers we’re looking at?”

Sam hums to himself and looks at the keys, “I’d say four at minimum. It’s hard to tell. I’d go so far as to say that there weren’t many times in which he had to do this.”

“Try the year.” Steve suggests.

Sam scoffs, “It’s a little obvious but ok.”

He punches in the code and pushes a green button he can only assume is enter and holds his breath. For a split second there’s nothing. Both men hold their breath unsure of what may come. But then a faint click is heard and there’s a quick, sharp hissing of air. The sounds persists for eight seconds and then the timer goes down ten minutes.

“Oh.” Sam says.

Steve runs his hand over his face and sighs, “We need to be more careful.” 

-

“They’re alive.” Tony says for what he can imagine is the fifth time in so many minutes.

Rhodey gives him a side-long scowl and shakes his head, “You don’t know that.”

“Why are you so easy to give up? What happened to the guy who looked for me in the desert?”

He laughs a little and sucks on his teeth, “I haven’t given up. I’m just nervous, Tony. My husband and Captain Fucking America are stuck inside a Hydra compound and we have no idea if something’s happened to them.”

“OK, ok.” Tony puts up his hands and nods. “Help me here, sugar. We need to establish contact.”

“Their phones are down.”

Tony nods and says, slowly, “Yes.”

“It’s an old compound. Built before…? FRIDAY, help a man out.”

She answers, promptly, “The Siberia Compound was built in approximately 1902.”

“Nineteen-oh-fucking-two.” Rhodey repeats. “Hard-wired phones, Tones.”

Tony jumps out of his seat and moves around the lab, waggling his finger at Rhodey, “You’re a genius. Let me pull it up and see what we can find.”

Natasha jumps in, “I’ll take a look at the schematic and tell you where I think they’d have dead-zones.”

“Most of them would be underground in rooms lined with lead.” Pepper offers, looking over Nat’s shoulder and pointing at various rooms with well-manicured nails.

Everything after that becomes a bit of a blur.

Tony manages to find Sam and Steve after dialing to a few other landlines. He processes the timer with ease and overrides the door, opening it. He stays on the phone with Steve the whole time, walking him through all the steps and then going over the types of information that they’ve found. Together they weed out what’s good and what’s shit and before long Steve’s laughing into the receiver at some joke Tony’s made and it’s like they’re friends again.

When they get off the phone Tony feels a little light, like he’s had a midday nap or something, and Bucky’s right there for him to lean against when he needs it. Before he can relax, Rhodey is there pulling him into a crushing hug, brought to tears, and mumbling thanks into Tony’s shoulder. Tony hugs back just as hard and feels like if he could cry this would be one of those moments because he can feel the tightness in his chest and the sob catch in his throat. Sam and Steve are safe.

Rhodey lets go of Tony and he immediately leans on Bucky. Bucky wraps his arms around Tony and rocks the two of them back and forth a little. Tony closes his eyes, lets out a deep breath, stuttering in his chest before evening into a normal cadence.

“You did good, doll.” Bucky noses into Tony’s hair. “I’m proud of you.”

Tony gives a half-hearted shrug, “I couldn’t leave them there.”

“I know.” Bucky kisses the top of his head, “I’m still proud.”

“I forgive him. Like, really forgive him.” Tony looks at the now blank screens and sighs, “There’s going to be some speedbumps, I know, but I can’t stay mad at him anymore.”

Bucky squeezes him, “I’m so happy for you. This is a big step.”

“He and I need to talk.”

“I’m glad you’re moving forward, babe, but don’t you think you need to be careful?”

Tony shrugs, “Yeah. Maybe it would be good to have a moderator.”

“Like who?”

“Natasha.”

-

Steve and Sam came back in one piece.

Both men were a little rough, sure. But at least now they were home. Before Sam even made it out of the Quinjet completely Rhodey had him in a tight embrace, whispering thanks and affirmations of love into Sam’s ear. Steve was behind him, looking at them with some sort of longing in this eyes and did his best to shake the feeling loose.

When Steve left the Quinjet and looked up, though, Tony was there. Bucky was right next to him providing a hand to Tony’s back for support. It was a weird kind of standoff in which neither side quite knew who was going to talk first or if they would at all. So they spoke at the same time.

Tony with, “I’m glad you’re ok.”

And Steve coming in saying, “I’m sorry, Tony.”

Tony and Steve share a smile in that moment out of the corners of their mouths. Almost mirroring each other’s expressions perfectly and Bucky is given a glimpse into their friendship. In that moment he remembers Tony letting slip that he had loved Steve before and he’s almost inclined to jealousy. But when he looks from Tony to Steve and sees the look in Steve’s eyes he can’t muster up the feeling.

They’re still in a bit of a standoff and Bucky feels a fondness for Steve bubble up. He messed up – fucked up, more like – and had a lot to prove, sure, but he’s trying. He went searching for a way to help Tony and endangered his life in the process. Here and now Bucky can see the way Steve is looking at Tony and he sees a sort of helplessness and affection that leaves him open and vulnerable and _wow_ , he gets it. Steve loves Tony.

Bucky knows that Tony wants to make things work and he knows that he wants things to be better because he misses Tony with something intense and visceral and Bucky wouldn’t deny Tony anything. And, if he were to be honest with himself, Bucky would say that he was finding that he liked Steve. The poor guy did have a way about him that got himself into bad situations and misunderstandings but he did try hard. He could see how Steve and the person he used to be were friends.

Tony tries speaking again, “You should have told the team. We were worried.”

“Kinda like you and that bank robbery?” Steve says with a smirk, though it is soft and fond.

“That was different.” Tony jokes.

“It’s almost completely the same thing.” Steve walks a little closer and Tony swallows.

“Tony,” Steve starts, nervous, “I didn’t mean to set you off. I should have a better handle on my anger.”

“I didn’t make it easy for you. I’m good at pushing buttons.”

Steve nods and shrugs, “Yeah, well, I should be used to it by now.”

Silence then, again, while Tony tries to gather strength and Steve looks like he’s holding himself back from just unleashing all of his sorrow and apologies at once.

“They, uh, bots miss you. DUM-E is inconsolable.” Tony leans back into Bucky’s hand and his hands shake a little. “Maybe we could try talking again. I promise to be an adult.”

“Maybe with Nat?” Bucky adds for Tony. “She’s a good mediator.”

Steve nods, “Sounds good. Just…just let me know when. Give me a minute while I get this information to Bruce, though. We still have work to do.”

Tony nods and Steve gives him another smile before looking to Bucky and giving him a look Bucky can’t quite figure out. He messes with his cowl, wringing it in his hands, and then tucks it into his belt and goes back into the Quinjet to pull boxes of Zola’s research out.

Bucky rubs Tony’s back and turns them around to go back inside, “You did good.”

“Maybe we needed that first talk to bomb.” Tony says. “In some weird way.”

“I’d rather it have not happened but I get it.”

Tony looks at him, “I like protective you. It’s adorable and incredibly sexy. I didn’t think that was an actual combination.”

Bucky shrugs and leads Tony into the kitchen to box him up against the counter. Tony looks up at him, happy but a little tired, and rubs his hands up and down Bucky’s arms. He’s barely affected by the cool metal anymore.

“I like being a mystery.” Bucky smiles.

Tony lifts his chin and kisses Bucky’s jaw then nips it, “And I like solving puzzles. So we’re a perfect match.”

Bucky dips his head and catches Tony’s lips, kissing him slowly and with intent. Tony’s lips open under him little by little and with a breathy sigh. He takes his time, something they haven’t had a lot of recently, and sucks on Tony’s lower lip to elicit the low, bass moan that he gets from Tony every time.

When they part, Bucky rests his forehead on Tony’s and tightens his grip on Tony’s hips.

“I love you.” Bucky says, almost like it’s a secret.

“I know.” Tony says, sure, and smiles. “I love you, too.”

-

The next morning Tony heads down to the shop intent on working on another set of eyes for himself. When the doors slide open the bots all beep happily and roll around his feet in much the same way cats do. First thing he sees is a large cup of steaming coffee and an egg sandwich. With it is a note that reads:

_DUM-E didn’t make the coffee so it’s safe._

_I made the sandwich just how you like._

_Thank you for being you._

_-Steve_

Tony smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update. Nano is keeping me busy and I'm trying to stay on top of things. (I have 8611 words so far on it :D )
> 
> Yay for Steve! 
> 
> I'm also struggling bc I stopped smoking (It's only been a week so far but I used to smoke a pack a day soooo)


	8. Chapter 8

“Do you wanna go out and grab a bite?” Steve asks, sounding timid for all he is.

Bucky stares at him for a moment, surprised, “Um, sure?”

It’s been a weird couple of days for Bucky. He’d noticed the little things Steve was leaving for Tony. Steve had started leaving the food and drinks for Tony. A job that Bucky had been more than ok to have but had since been left to Steve. Bucky couldn’t really say that he was upset with it either. He’d thought for half a second that he may be jealous but if anything he was just happy to see that Steve was trying and that it was actually _working._

Because Tony kept every single note Steve left him and Bucky had seen the smile once that Tony had when he’d read one. So, for Bucky, it was a win-win.

But Steve wasn’t just focused on Tony either. He’d made it a point to talk to Bucky every day even if it was just a ‘hey, how you doin’’ or asking if he needed help with anything. He currently had a bookshelf full of books that Steve had recommended him as well as several mix cds filled with some music that Steve thought he may like.

On more than one occasion he found himself talking to Steve like they’d been friends for years. And that’s when he gets it: they were friends for years. Now it hits him a bit like a freight train because they ghost of his own past is making guest appearances and he wants so desperately to just take that role on because that guy already has everything worked out.

But he keeps it down because he’s finally finding himself and figuring out who the new Bucky is and the thing is that Steve has actually managed to see that part of him now. Bucky can tell that Steve’s let that go – at least as much as he can – and it really warms him up that Steve’s doing this for him.

So now it’s lunch.

Bucky is the first one to the car and takes the driver’s seat. Steve slides in and adjusts the chair and gives Bucky a smile and it’s so filled with sunshine and light that it makes Bucky feel a little better as a person and he can’t help but smile right back at him. He starts the car up and slips in one of the mix cds and then takes off.

“I should thank you.” Bucky says, leaving one hand in his lap and steering with the other.

Steve looks confused, “What for?”

“Taking care of Tony.” He laughs. “That was my job for a while and while I won’t complain about it, it’s still nice to see someone else pitching in.”

“I didn’t mean to take over your job.” Steve smiles sheepishly. “I kind of just fell back into my old routine.”

“Natasha said you both were close.” Bucky purses his lips and looks to Steve briefly.

“Yeah.” Steve sighs. “We fought a lot, sure, but he was still my right-hand man. I depended on him for everything. He was my best friend.”

Bucky sighs, “Look. I don’t want to get too far into this because I want us to have a good day but I do need to tell you that you can’t hurt him again, ok? After everything that’s happened you’re making a lot of good headway. In fact, I’ve arranged it with Nat for the both of you to have your talk tonight. But if you’re going all in here you can’t ever back out. You’ll destroy him for good.”

“I know.” Steve says, sad. “I’m trying.”

“And I know you are. I can see it and I really am happy for the both of you. You both need each other. It’s so strange because I’d never seen what you were like so I didn’t know what it looked like to see you together. Now that I have, it’s like you both were just a piece of a whole. You’re both different together. Complete.”

“No,” Steve corrects, “that’s you and Tony now. I couldn’t imagine someone better for him than you.”

“You were that for him, Steve. You were the ‘other half’.”

Steve looks uncomfortable, “It’s you now though.”

Bucky shrugs and turns onto the interstate, “We can both be that for him now. Two is better than one.”

“You would be ok sharing Tony?”

“Tony isn’t mine to share, Steve.” Bucky looks to him for a moment and smirks. “I don’t think anyone could claim to have Tony to themselves.”

“You think he’d want someone else?”

“That's not what I mean.” Bucky says, sure. “I just mean that he isn’t mine to demand things from. And even if he was I wouldn’t tell him what he can and cannot do.”

“Oh, ok.” Steve says, nodding his head. “You’re right there. Tony will do what he wants.”

“Which I’ve been told was the bulk of your arguments before.”

Steve laughs, “He has a problem with sacrificing himself for anyone and everyone.”

“That’s who he is.”

It’s silent for a few moments. Nothing but the sound of the engine and the quiet singing of Diana Ross. Bucky would go so far as to say that it’s peaceful.

“I’m glad that you’re with him.” Steve says, quiet.

Bucky is surprised but happy, “Thank you. Your acceptance means a lot to me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You two were like best friends. I’ve heard it’s important to be accepted by the best friend.”

Steve shrugs, “I would say I lost that privilege.”

“You’re gaining it back one day at a time, Steve. Don’t be so down.”

“Yeah, alright, Buck.”

Bucky laughs and turns onto exit eight-four, “Now, let’s go get some A-class hoagies.”

-

“It'll be nice to have the two of you here.” Nat says with a smile.

“Yeah, kill it, Dr. Phil.” Tony smiles. “You’re loving this, aren’t you?”

“Yes and no. I had to put off a date with Pepper.”

Tony’s smile falters only for moment before brightening again, “I won’t keep you forever, then.”

Right about then Steve enters the room and Nat smiles at him before looking at Tony and saying, wry, “When has anything concerning you taken more than forever?”

“Point.” Tony concedes.

“To be fair, he can have good points.” Steve says while he takes a seat.

Tony sticks his tongue out at Nat and then shakes his finger at Steve, “You don’t need to kiss my ass, Steve.”

“I was being honest.” Steve says, smiling. “I can kiss your ass if you want me to, though.”

“Red light!” Tony says bringing his hand up. “That’s Bucky’s job.”

“Ok!” Nat cuts in. “Moving on. I think Steve wanted to speak first.”

He nods, “I wanted to officially apologize to you. Every time I’ve tried to up to this point hasn’t been as open and honest and without argumentation as I’d like. So, Tony, I am so sorry for the way I handled the whole thing. For keeping that secret from you, for fighting you, and for leaving you there. I do not, in anyway, expect your forgiveness.”

“I do forgive you, though.” Tony says, looking to Nat for a moment. She nods at him and he takes in a breath to center him, “I’m not saying its right but I understand why you did it. And I was just as much a part of that fight as you. Now, being left there alone is something I’m still trying to work through, but I can’t blame you for it. You didn’t know. I’ve accepted that.

I guess what I want to say is that I’m working past it. That night, the night we were supposed to have dinner together, was bad. I’m sorry for how I acted. I pushed your buttons and then you set me off. I’m sorry for that.”

Steve shakes his head, “You don’t have to apologize for that. I triggered you.”

Nat steps in to say, “Tony, can we talk about that? What your triggers are and how we can work through them?”

“It just felt like the lead-up to a fight. You yelling at me, standing suddenly, slapping your hands on the table. I could tell you were angry and all I could see was you standing over me, smashing your shield into my chest.” Tony explains, quiet.

Steve looks wrecked, “I’m sorry, Tony. So sorry. I will do my best to never do that around you. I’m doing my best to keep my anger in check.”

Nat nods in affirmation, “He’s been working with me over the last couple weeks on working through his anger. Bruce has been helping him as well.”

“Yeah.” Steve looks from Nat to Tony. “He’s taught me a mantra and taught me how to meditate and center myself.”

“Bucky’s helped me, too.” Tony laughs, “He doesn’t put up with my bullshit. He calls me out when I lash out.”

“I’m just glad you’re here.” Steve says, a little teary. “The thought of you being gone just-“

Nat looks a little misty and pulls her lips between her teeth and closes her eyes for a moment, “OK.” She manages and then clears her throat, “What we need to agree on here is more consistent, honest open-communication.”

“I can do that.” Steve nods. “Anything.”

Tony smiles and nods, “I can. I’ll try. But, one more thing, Steve.”

“Sure.”

“You do know that I’m disabled, right? And I still forgive you for leaving me there. But I’m less of a person for it.”

Steve looks ready to cry, “I know. Bucky told me everything. Your eyes, your lungs, the damage to your heart. I know.”

“Ok. I just wanted…I wanted to be sure.”

Steve smiles a little and looks him dead in the eyes, “You know, you got the color right on. It’s like they’re the same ones I’ve seen for years.”

Nat smiles and stands, looking at her watch, “This has gone so well that I may just make that date.”

“Don’t say I never did something for you.” Tony laughs.

Nat eyes him, “Are you really ok, Tony?”

“You know what? I am.” He looks down at his hands and smiles, “I have trouble talking about stuff like this. Re-hashing it makes me feel like I’m reliving it but this time I feel like it was done. There’s still going to be hiccups but we’re ready for them.”

“What can I do for you, Tony?”

“Just keep being yourself, Steve.” Tony laughs, “You know, I love you. I love you both. And I’d rather work through the issues forever than never have you in my life again.”

Natasha goes up to Tony and wraps him into a hug, “I love you, too, Tony.”

“Ah, get to your date McSappy Pants.” Tony laughs again.

Natasha squeezes him again and then lets him go with a kiss to his forehead and blows one to Steve on the way out. With the room occupied by just the two of them it begins to feel a little charged. Steve closes his eyes for a moment and breathes out through his nose, repeating his mantra in his head. Tony swallows down his own anxiety and forces himself to look up into Steve’s eyes.

“Thank you for your notes and for taking care of me.”

Steve blushes a little across his nose and shrugs, “It’s no big deal.”

“It is to me. And I thank you, really.” Tony takes in a breath and sighs, “I have to go, I have my own date with Rhodey, but I look forward to being friends again.”

Steve smiles, “Me, too.”

Tony leaves the room and Steve lets out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

This was better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another short chapter. Nano is really taking it out of me. But I'm sticking with it!  
> I'm glad to see them finally working through things because it's been like 50k+ of story and they deserve to be happy. Unbeta-ed so if there are any glaring mistakes let me know. My brain is getting worse and worse lately. I have my neuropsych results on the 18th so hopefully that will shed some light.


	9. Chapter 9

“What do you think?”

Tony is sitting across from Rhodey in that same restaurant Bucky and he had their first official date in and they’re both eating enough garlic to put down a horse. At least a small one, anyway.

There was a little bit of a pinging, hollow part of Tony that realized Rhodey and he hadn’t done much together in a long while and it hurt him a little. Almost like a small panic that he was losing his best friend. But with a few breathing exercises courtesy of Bruce and a small pep talk from Wanda, Tony had come to realize that they had both just been busy. It was a part of being an adult that meant friendships couldn’t always be physically close.

So here he was, talking to his best friend in the world, and nervous about his opinion. Because all things considered, they still hadn’t had an actual conversation about Bucky or Steve. It had been over a year with Bucky but it had felt like forever – and in the best way – and while there were still hiccups he had finally forgiven Steve. He’s having trouble processing it all still and he’s sure Rhodey has a stance.

“About what?” Rhodey asks, taking another bite of fresh bread smothered in olive oil and garlic. “Your boyfriend or Steve?”

Tony shrugs a little, “Both? Both is good.”

Rhodey copies his gesture, “I like Bucky. He stands up for you. He looks after you. I haven’t seen the boy do you any wrong. Siberia aside.”

“You don’t hold Siberia against him?”

“I think he blames himself enough for it and I don’t need to add on to that fire. You forgave him. There may be intricacies there that complicate it and while what happened to you was one of the worst things I’ve had to go through as your friend I have recognized that Barnes is just as much a victim as you are.”

Tony takes a long drink of his water and then leans on the table, “And Rogers?”

“He’s a whole other fish entirely.” Rhodey sighs and pauses while their food is brought and sat in front of them. “I know he’s trying. And you’re giving him another chance.”

“So you trust me?”

Rhodey gives him a look and then spins some pasta onto his fork, “Of course I trust you. I love you, Tony, and I’ll stand beside you no matter what. If it happens again, though, we’ll have words.”

“Words?” Tony mocks, eating a piece of shrimp.

Rhodey shrugs, “Of course. Look, with Steve it’s a ‘fool me once, shame on you’ sort of thing.”

“’Fool me twice shame on you for taking advantage of my giving and kind nature.’ Right?”

“Right.”

Tony purses his lips for a moment and then says, quietly and almost conspiratorially, “I loved him once, ya know?”

“I know, Tones. I’m surprised more people didn’t know.”

“I can’t have been that obvious.”

Another shrug, “Maybe it’s because you and I are so close but it was definitely obvious to me.” He pauses to take a bite, slurping the long noodles while he does. “Are you going to tell Bucky?”

“I sort of did. Kind of?”

“Well, you either did or you didn’t.”

Tony waves, “Yeah, yeah, ok. I didn’t come out and say it, like, obviously but it was implied.”

“Are you going to bring it up again?” Rhodey takes a drink and then gestures at Tony with his fork. “This is an important thing, Tones.”

“Well, it’s not like it’s something to worry about now.”

“Are you sure?”

Tony sucks his teeth and looks to the side, “Yeah, I’m sure. I think. Look, Steve - we just became friends again. There’s still a lot to work over.”

“Love knows no bounds.” Rhodey supplies. “Your heart and your brain don’t have to agree.”

“I love Bucky.” Tony says, sure.

Rhodey nods, “I know you do.”

“Then why do I get the feeling that you don’t believe me?”

“Oh, no.” Rhodey assures, “I know you love Bucky. That much is obvious. I’m just asking you if you’re sure that your feelings for Steve are strictly friendship.”

“What if they’re not?”

Rhodey leans forwards and says seriously, “You need to figure out if that’s really what’s going on or if it’s just happiness that he’s back in your life. Seriously, Tones, this is a big deal.”

“I know that.” Tony says, annoyed.

“So what? If you do love Steve are you going to give Bucky up?”

“Never.” Tony says, sure.

Rhodey shrugs, “Then does the rest really matter? We’ve asked the important questions, Tony. If you’re not going to give up Bucky, then there’s no reason to entertain this Steve stuff. Besides, you need to figure out whether or not this love for Steve is translated from the past or is made up in the present.”

“How do I teach my heart the difference?”

“You don’t.” Rhodey sighs and takes a drink. “That’s what your brain is for.”

Tony laughs quietly and shakes his head, “When did you get so wise?”

“I have my fair share of loves, Tony.”

“Well, what do you do if you love two people at once?”

Rhodey shifts in his seat and looks around, slightly uncomfortable, “I’m pretty sure that’s called polyamory.”

“Oooh,” Tony leans in, “is this something you know a lot about? _Personal_ experience?”

“It’s not my place to expose this without permission, Tony. Just know that it can work. If you try.”

Tony leans back and crosses his arms, “Since when do we keep things from each other?”

Rhodey rolls his eyes, “Look, I’ll talk with them and see but I’m not about to out anyone.”

“But you’re involved?” Tony asks.

Rhodey just nods.

“James Rhodes I can’t believe you.” Tony places a hand over his heart, “Well, I never.”

Rhodey scoffs and stabs chicken onto his fork, “Come on, Tony, people have love lives outside of you.”

“No.” Tony shakes his head. “I refuse to accept that.”

“You dork.” Rhodey laughs. “Look. Just know that I’m happy.”

Tony digs into his food again, still shaking his head, “I can’t believe Sam would share you.”

“I refuse to talk about this at this time.”

Tony raises his hands in surrender, “Yeah, yeah, ok. I got it. But I expect to find out soon.”

“Yeah, well, let’s see.”

-

Bucky was trying to find Steve.

He’d been thinking about something for a while. Since Tony’s decision to forgive Steve, Bucky has been spending more and more time with Steve. All things considered, they were relatively similar. They both shared the same loves of music, books, and movies. Both could be found in the gym, especially to work off stress. Conversation between the two came easy and never felt stilted. It was the kind of relationship that came easy and even though he was still on the lookout for any slights against Tony, he still trusted Tony’s decision to forgive.

Steve was one of the few people that knew Tony really well and Bucky felt himself depending on Steve for the insider look at his boyfriend. He wasn’t about to turn down the wealth of knowledge Steve had. Besides, it helped remind Bucky just how close Steve had been with Tony.

It all comes to a head when he approaches the kitchen and catches a conversation between Natasha and Steve.

“It’s hard seeing them together.”

There’s a pause and then, “I know.”

“If I had handled things better. If I had just used my head that could have been me.”

Bucky is channeling the Soldier now, sneaking closer to get a look, careful not to alert anyone to his presence.

“You don’t know that, Steve.” Nat says, sighing. “You can’t keep entertaining these what-ifs.”

Steve sighs and sits heavily down in a chair, “I lost both of them. Both of my chances. If I had just accepted Bucky’s new personality I may have been able to have him, too. Instead, I fucked up both of them: the only good things that have happened to me.”

“You may have burned some bridges but you’re building whole new ones now. You still have a chance, Steve.”

Bucky peeks around a corner and sees Steve resting his head in his hands, shaking his head slightly before speaking again, “It’ll never be the same. I’m sidelined now, Nat. It’s like going crazy.”

In that moment Natasha whips her head to the side, lightning-quick, and levels Bucky with an even stare. Bucky freezes and stares at Nat for a moment before flashing his eyes between her and Steve’s bowed head.

She cocks her head as if to ask Bucky a question and he finds that he doesn’t know anything. He figured that Steve loved Tony but he never anticipated that he’d still love him.

Nat takes a sip of her coffee and stares down Bucky while she asks Steve, “So you love them both?”

Steve lifts his head and Bucky tucks himself back around the corner and curses to himself. There’s no scraping of the dining room chairs to indicate Steve standing up so he counts it as a win and waits for Steve to answer.

“Of course I do.” Steve laughs a little to himself. “You know, I never thought I could let the old Bucky go. But anymore I feel like he’s actually memory now and I’m falling for someone totally new.”

“What’s keeping you from them?”

There’s a scoff, “I don’t deserve them, Nat. The stuff I’ve done – everything – I can’t…they deserve each other. They’re good together. I’m not going to taint that.”

“You know,” Nat starts, slowly, “you’ve been forgiven. By Tony and Bucky both. Maybe it’s time you forgave yourself.”

Bucky strained to hear Steve’s reply.

“Maybe I can’t.”

His heart really goes out to Steve in this moment. All things considered, he knows that the past events must be weighing heavily on Steve. He can tell in this moment that Steve’s finally taken responsibility for his mistakes and it’s costing him. And while Bucky thinks that it’s good for him to be feeling that way he also feels a swell of sympathy.

“What do you need, Rogers?” Nat asks, quiet.

He can imagine Steve shaking his head, “Right now I’m just concerned about making things right. I’ve told you how I feel because I need to tell someone. Because you’re my closest friend. But my feelings don’t matter. Tony and Bucky are all who matter in this respect.”

“Ok.” Nat says, soft. “Ok.”

Bucky leaves.

-

The team is sitting in a conference hall with the 117 countries of the Accords.

Thor stands at a podium that’s too small for him, dressed to the nines in a lovely three piece suit, with his hair pulled back in a smart-looking clip. He’s trimmed his beard for this and left his hammer back at his seat in a show of benevolence. He looks, regardless of his earth attire, like royalty. There’s no question in anyone’s mind that he’s an authority and he is regarded as such.

“Some of you may know me as Thor, an Avenger, and while this is a title of mine it is one of many.” He clears his throat and then raises his voice for all to hear. “I am Thor Odinson and I come from Asgard. I am here today to inform the congregation of an approaching issue that has come to our – the Avengers – attention.

I will get to the point. What we anticipate arriving within the next few months is a very powerful artifact called the Black Vortex. Its power is vast and immeasurable. What I can say about it is this: we expect many to come in search of the Vortex. My suggestion – and the suggestion of the Queen of Asgard, my mother – is that this artifact to stay in the hands of the Avengers until its owner can retrieve it.”

A representative speaks up, “What gives the Avengers the authority to handle something so sensitive?”

“With all due respect, I believe that in the hands of anyone else we would experience a disruption in your sensitive power structure.”

An uproar drowns out anything else for a solid minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone sorry it has been so long. Poor Steve. I actually feel bad for him. :( What will Bucky do with this information? WTF is going on with Rhodey? 
> 
> Before I get any angry comments I think it is completely within Tony's character (in my story) to still have weird feelings for Steve. That includes love. I believe that he desperately wants to have what he had before and that complicates his current feelings. But he also loves Bucky thoroughly. 
> 
> I also feel like Bucky's lack of jealousy has to do with his own budding love of Steve - though he may not see it as such right now. Which is why I had him walk in on Steve and Nat. 
> 
> It's been 50k+ of Steve realizing mistakes, working on his issues, and forgiveness. I think it's about time that things started moving forward.
> 
> Still no beta.


	10. Chapter 10

Politics has never been a strong suit of Steve’s.

The room around him is alive with thunderous disbelief and he feels a sharp, sinking feeling settle in his stomach. This was not how things were supposed to go.

Tony and Bucky are sitting next to him, leaned over to speak with Natasha and Pepper, building some sort of battle plan. Wanda is on his other side looking pale and uncomfortable. The rest of the team is sitting behind him, murmuring amongst themselves while Thor stands, ram-rod straight and patient at the podium, waiting for the den to die down.

It does, eventually, leaving nothing but the buzz of whispers behind and Steve’s ears a ringing a bit.

“What puts the Avengers in the position to question our power structure?” One representative asks. “This committee was created to solve your own structural and political issues.”

Thor nods, “I understand your concern and I’m not saying that your intervention was unfounded. I am simply trying to illustrate that the Avengers hold a unique position here. We have the capabilities to handle something this powerful and defend it. There are many worlds outside of your small sector of space. They _will_ come.”

“Why does this fall under our jurisdiction, anyway? This object is not from Earth. We have enough to handle as it is.” Another rep says, Ms. Thiery.

“It isn’t prudent to talk about why it’s coming. It is. And this is something we need to prepare for.” Thor supplements.

Representative Ashcroff speaks next, “If this is an object of power why don’t we use it, then?”

Pepper rises then to stand next to Thor and clears her throat, “We’ve already seen what it looks like when we, humans, have tried to control alien artifacts. This doesn’t belong to us and we can’t pretend to understand something we’ve never experienced.”

“So let us study it.” Ascroff continues.

T’Challa speaks up then, “Ms. Potts is right. This is something we don’t understand and it’s not ours to use. The Avengers are offering up this information as an act of goodwill in compliance with the Accords. This is not a debate about what to do with it; it is a conversation about protecting it and Earth until such a time arrives that it can leave.”

The Italian representative scoffs, “We’ve seen how you handle your confrontations. Millions upon millions in rebuilding, not to mention loss of life. How is it, then, that we are supposed to trust you to not only hold a powerful artifact but to also defend it without casualty?”

“The world is not a perfect place. Freedom and safety are not easily won.” Pepper says, head raised and eyes sharp.

Thor nods, “What I want to stress is that in order to make sure people are safe and protected this device needs to be in the hands of those capable of defending it. People will come for it and when they do their last concern will be the lives they’ll take to get to it.”

A rep from Sokovia, the new acting head of the committee, stands and waves the room silent, “This is not a matter to be discussed lightly and without perspective. This committee will take your statements and concerns and it _will_ come to a conclusion that it deems best.”

“That’s all we’re asking for.” Pepper says.

The woman nods and shuffles her papers, “Leave any and all information with your country’s representative. It will be shared with the whole. Expect a decision by the end of the week.”

Then they’re effectively dismissed, left to do nothing more than hope.

-

After returning home Rhodey and Sam find themselves on the back porch, slicing fruit and eating absently. It’s a gorgeous day, regardless of the tense climate surrounding the committee, and it’s nice to have a breath of fresh air.

Like most days, Sam looks at his hand and watches the ring catch in the light and smiles to himself. He’s come so far since his first encounter with the Avengers. Hell, since being active duty. It’s been an even longer road between him and Rhodey. If he was pressed years ago and told that he would marry the Colonel, Sam would have laughed. Shit, he’ll laugh now. It’s all so surreal to him and sometimes he’s stuck wondering if it’s real.

He knows it is, realistically, and spends most of his time anymore thanking whoever is listening that he had this glorious specimen of a man as his husband. Better yet, that this amazing person finds Sam to be just as much a blessing as himself, if not more.

“We had a close call. In Siberia.” Sam starts, hating to interrupt the easy silence but wanting to get this out in the open.

Rhodey sighs and sets down his knife and the half-peeled apple, “We figured it out, though. You came back in one piece.”

“But I know it was hard on you.” Sam says, soft, reaching out to grab Rhodey’s hand. “It was the first real danger I’ve been in since we got married.”

Rhodey laughs, “I loved you long before we got hitched, Sam. I’ve been worried about you for years. And probably will continue to be worried for as long as I live.”

“I don’t want you in that position. Don’t look at me like that, just listen. I know we talked about me working as an Avenger and I know you said that you could handle it but,” Sam sighs, shaking his head, “you’re first. You’re the number one thing in my life and I need you to be honest with me that you’re ok with this. With the whole Black Vortex business I know that we have some intense and violent stuff waiting on the horizon.”

His husband gives him a considering look, mulling it over slowly and pursing his lips in that way he does when he’s thinking. Sam thinks it’s adorable.

“I don’t know.” Rhodey says finally, sighing, “This is your job. This is who you are. I know that. We’re both that person. Fighting and defending is what we do. I can’t take that from you. If I could right now I would be by your side on the battlefield.”

Sam chuckles and rubs his thumb over Rhodey’s knuckles, “See, this is where we’re different. If it was you, I would one-hundred percent want you to stay home. Hell, I want you to stay home anyway. I could have lost you before – back at the airport – and I can’t handle even thinking about it happening again.”

“What do you want to do, then?”

Sam leans over and presses a kiss on Rhodey’s lips, sweet and soft, “I thought we could take a leaf out of Clint’s book and try to retire. Sure, I’ve been a soldier for a long time but I’m ready to drop that title and stick with just being a husband instead. Maybe even a father.”

“I do want kids.” Rhodey admits, looking wistful. “Have you talked to Clint about this? Or Laura?”

Sam shakes his head, “Not yet. I wanted to go over it with you.”

“This feels weird. More and more people are leaving the Avengers. Clint’s trying to retire, Thor won’t be here forever. Tony’s body can’t take much more stress. Who’s going to be left to defend anyone?”

“I’ve heard through the grapevine that there are a handful of young people with abilities that have taken it upon themselves to do good. Maybe there’s just going to come a time to hand over the reins.”

Rhodey hums and presses a kiss to Sam’s forehead, “Ok, fine. I’ll admit it. I want you home. I want that big dumb house we’ve been talking about and I want at least two dogs. Having a small farm would be just enough to keep us busy and it’s pretty far from dangerous.”

“Whatever you want, baby.” Sam smiles and leans back, popping a strawberry in his mouth. “Now, just to let the Barton’s know. Maybe they know of some good property close by. When are you going to tell Tony?”

Rhodey thinks for a moment, “Soon. Within the next week. I’ll do it when he’s in a good mood. He’ll be happy for me – for us – and frankly, probably relieved that I’ll be out of the game.”

“He worries about you.” Same says, stating fact.

“And I worry about him.” Rhodey frowns. “I may have to have a serious talk with him. If I want him to live to meet his godchildren then he needs to start taking care of himself.”

Sam raises his eyebrows, “Godfather, huh?”

“Oh, please. You knew from the get-go that it was a thing.”

-

“Well, that could have gone worse, I suppose.” Tony says.

Bucky and he are back in their room, toeing off their shoes and dressing down into something more comfortable. It already seems like they’ve done so much today and it’s a little more than nerve-wracking to know that so much is in the hands of a committee that is already inclined to distrust the Avengers. There’s only so much that Tony can do, he knows this, but he can’t help but feel like there’s something he should be doing anyways.

“It could have gone worse, sure, but it also could have been a whole lot better.” Bucky says, slipping a soft shirt over his head. “Am I silly to have hoped that it would be easy?”

Tony crawls into bed, changed into pajamas and snuggles under the covers, patting the empty space next to him, “Not silly. Everyone on the team was hoping for it, I know. You can hope and still have realistic expectations.”

”It’s a rather annoying dichotomy to live in.” Bucky sighs, sliding into bed next to Tony, tired and eyes drooping. “What do we do if they decide to keep it?”

Tony shrugs, “We let them. We can’t fight them. As terrible as it sounds, it would be a good lesson. If they decide not to use us and it goes south, that’s a point for us. It’ll just cost more.”

“I don’t want it to come down to that.” Bucky says, sleepy. “The people shouldn’t suffer because the committee is power hungry and mislead.”

“As much as I hate to say it: we just have to let it play out. This is a tense political landscape and the only way we can ensure that we can save anyone at all is by playing by their rules. It’s a sacrifice, granted a heavy one.”

Bucky wraps an arm around Tony and pulls him close, nuzzling into his hair, “I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“That makes two of us.”

-

Steve is tired.

It’s been a long day and he feels emotionally drained. Being involved has really opened his eyes to the intense and formidable force that is the committee. And it’s frustrating, sure, because he saw this coming. He knew that it was going to be a case of greed and the search for more power, not the consideration of the lives at stake. He’s more than a little upset because this was the type of thing he talked about before he signed the Accords.

Begrudgingly, though, he has to admit that it’s better than being locked up and effectively cut off from helping anyone at all.

So, before bed and blissful sleep, Steve finds himself down in Dr. Banner’s lab. The good doctor had stayed behind so as to keep his own blood pressure low and even.

The lab looks a lot like Tony’s but is surprisingly much more of a mess with a sort of method-to-the-madness feel to it. Paperwork, charts, graphs, and various instruments littered most surfaces and there were more than a few chalk boards stationed all over the room with what Steve could only classify as Science.

“Bruce?” Steve calls out, unsure and unable to locate the doctor.

There’s a rustling and a small curse and then Bruce is standing, hands clutching several folders and a pen between his teeth, “Steve! Good, you’re here.”

“So you have good news?” Steve asks, hopeful.

Bruce sighs and removes the pen, setting everything down before turning to Steve, hands folded, “No. Not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Bruce starts, looking sorry, “there is a lot of information here. Between Howard and Zemo, I know so much more than I did.”

Steve frowns, “But?”

“But, it’s not enough. There’s not enough information to bridge the gaps here. We have nothing.” Bruce says, sad, running a hand through wild hair.

“What about Tony?” Steve asks, mouth dry. “I’m sure he could do something.”

Bruce nods absently, “Tony’s working on it, too. But, Steve, you have to understand. We aren’t infallible. There are always going to be times when our science and our minds can’t solve something. I know that Tony’s mind is incredible but sometimes things just don’t…happen.”

“So you’re saying there’s no hope.” Steve says, swallowing back a sob.

“No.” Bruce says, looking sad, “There’s always hope. I’m just saying that you need to be prepared if the time comes in which a solution can’t be found in time. Don’t get me wrong, we’re doing everything we can, but I’m just trying to be as honest as I can with you.”

Steve nods, “Thanks for that. It’s nice to know the truth.” He pauses, biting his lip, “Is there anything I can do?”

“Make it easier on Tony?” Bruce guesses. “We just need to monitor him and make sure he’s comfortable. The less stress the better.”

Steve’s mind is already working. Tony needs to be sidelined. Kept, at least, out of battle. He can’t risk losing Tony. He can’t bear the thought of him passing before his time.

“I’ll do my best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long it's been crazy and not super duper great
> 
> I have been working on the Rhodey/Sam companion piece though. So yay for that!


	11. Chapter 11

Steve finds Bucky early that morning on his way to his daily workout. It’s early, earlier than Tony will wake up, and feels like the safest part of the day to have a private conversation. He follows Bucky into the gym and wastes no time bringing up what’s on his mind.

“I’m worried about Tony.”

Bucky stops wrapping his hands in tape and gives Steve a look, “Ok?”

“Ever since,” Steve pulls a face, “Siberia, Tony has been different. Sick. And he’s not going to get better unless they figure out the super soldier serum. If it happens at all.”

Bucky cocks his head and frowns, “Why don’t you think it’ll work?”

Steve chews on the inside of his cheek and sighs. If Bruce hadn’t have told Steve that they were having trouble would he have ever known? Would Tony have ever said anything – at least to Bucky?

“Bruce told me that they weren’t close. That there were too many gaps and they aren’t having a lot of luck.” Steve scoffs, running a hand through his hair. “He told me that they weren’t ‘infallible’. Which, to be fair, makes sense. But, I don’t know, I’ve always assumed they could do anything.”

Bucky sighs and sits down heavily onto a weight bench, “I didn’t know it was that bleak.”

“I’m worried about him.” Steve says, all feeling and desperation. “What if something happens in the field?”

“Look, I’m worried about him, too, but what do you expect me to do?”

Steve flounders for a moment, “You’re team lead!”

“I may be the leader of this team but I am not about to make my team member’s decisions for them.” Bucky sighs and shakes his head, “I can talk to Tony, or try to, but it’s his decision.”

Steve sighs and runs a hand over his face, “I hate to pull this card but he’s a liability in the field. A soldier in his condition would have been sent home already.”

“And Tony will maintain that he isn’t a soldier.” Bucky stands and starts wrapping his hands again. “I’ll talk to him, ok? I’ll even talk to Rhodey about it first- Lord knows he’s the expert on all things Tony - but you need to remember that Tony is always going to do whatever he can no matter what the risk.”

Steve laughs, “You’re right. It’s frustrating but is also one of his idiosyncrasies that I love about him.”

Bucky gives him a look, one that is not necessarily bad and manages to look like approval, and smiles. It’s quiet in the gym with the two men looking at each other, eye contact unwavering. Steve isn’t sure what’s going on but the softness in Bucky’s face and the fond look in his eyes is almost too much for Steve.

So he makes a timely exit, giving a half-smile, and saying, “Let me know how it goes.”

-  
“Really?” Rhodey scoffs. “You want my advice on how to keep Tony out of the field.”

Bucky taps his fingers against the perspiring glass, ice tinkling, and purses his lips. It’s nice out, if a little on the warm side, but there’s a good breeze and the lemonade he’s been mainlining is keeping him cool. The sun is low, splashing the sky with warm pinks that fade to a painter’s palette of blue and purple. Rhodey sits across from him, picking at the bowl of fruit in front of him, and shaking his head slightly from side to side with a smirk.

“You know him best.” Bucky says like Rhodey doesn’t already know. 

He just laughs, “I know him best, sure. And what I think you’re trying to do – rather, what Steve is trying to do” he says, with a knowing smile, “-but that doesn’t give me control over him. He respects what I say and he may take it into consideration but first and foremost Tony is his own person.” Rhodey leans forward and steeples his fingers together, elbows on the table, “Tony is all about self-deprecation and sacrifice. Even if something was going to kill him he would still be in the thick of it until he breathed his last. You can’t make him anything other than what he is.”

“That’s the problem.” Bucky continues on, desperate to make Rhodey see. “Steve had a talk with Bruce. Apparently they aren’t anywhere close to figuring out how to fix Tony. He’s technically blind, his heart is in a bad way, his lung capacity is shot, I mean, come on. He can’t keep this up. I want Tony to make his own decisions, I really do. Because that’s important. But, as the leader of this team and as his boyfriend I want to see him live.”

Rhodey gives him a look, like he’s evaluating him, and Bucky feels more than a little uncomfortable underneath the scrutiny. He keeps his mouth shut, though, waiting for Rhodey to speak. Cicadas start trilling in the distance, their high-pitched screams building up until it’s on the cusp of almost too much and relaxing. 

“Did you know that I thought he was dead? You know, back in Afghanistan?”

Bucky blinks and shakes his head, “No. Most of what I know is from what is on file.”

“Yeah.” Rhodey says absently, looking down at his hands. They’re palm up and shaking only a little. “Tony’s always been in some sort of trouble.   
Not because he’s bad or anything. Just that trouble always manages to find him.” Rhodey snorts and a small smile plays at his lips, “Well, he’s also one mischievous motherfucker but he’s never actively sought out real trouble.” He looks out to the yard and watches the sun start to dip below the horizon with a far-away look in his eyes. “The shit we used to get into, man. Every moment with Tony was exciting and fun. It can still be that way but life has a way of changing a person.”

“He loves you.” Bucky adds, even though it’s obvious.

Rhodey nods, “And I love him. When our unit was attacked and Tony disappeared I was worried for the first time in a while. You know that he’s dealt with kidnappings and the like in the past. Those people only ever wanted money, though. I knew, somehow, that this was different. And I thought that I had lost my best friend all because we had a small disagreement.”

“What happened?”

Rhodey waves the question to the side, “Nothing of any real importance. Just a normal irritation between friends.” He pauses and takes a drink of lemonade, then sets it on the table and looks into the half-full glass. “Have you ever betrayed yourself? For the first time ever I allowed myself to doubt him. One night, in bed with every scrap of information I had and some bad takeout I remember sitting back against the headboard and thinking, ‘It’s been a month.’ Just, ‘It’s been a month’, over and over again. No sign of him. No demands. Just silence. And in that moment I convinced myself he had died.”

“But you went back for him.” Bucky says, confused. “You kept searching.”

Rhodey smiles sadly to himself, “Not because I thought he was alive but because I wanted to bring my best friend’s body home.”

“Tony doesn’t know this.” Bucky says, slowly.

Rhodey shakes his head and sighs, “No. He doesn’t. And I don’t ever want him to know. He doesn’t need to ever think I doubt him. I never should have.” Rhodey sniffs once and sits straight, looking Bucky in the eyes, “Tony Stark is a miracle. I’ve seen him do…the most incredible things.” He stands, drains the rest of his drink and rolls his shoulders. “I want Tony safe but I don’t think baring him from the team would do anything but hurt him. He can figure this out,” When Bucky goes to speak Rhodey holds up a finger to stop him, “and if he can’t, well, I’ll be there for him. Holding his hand until his last breath. Because - and listen good here, Barnes – Tony is what he is: loyal, strong, easily he smartest man I’ve ever met, compassionate, determined, and driven. Don’t try to make him anything but.”

Rhodey is still for a second before he nods to Bucky, satisfied with his piece, and enters the mansion. Bucky is left there in his wake, in no better shape then he had been before, but perhaps a little more at ease. Steve is right to be worried. Bucky knows everyone is. But Rhodey is right. He can’t make Tony do anything. And to deny Tony the opportunity to help would be disastrous not just for the world, but for Tony, too. 

Bucky rises and watches Thelma come out and clear the table. He grabs the glasses for her and follows her inside in silence, thinking. Thelma says nothing at first and makes her way to the sink. When Bucky meets her there she sets the pitcher in along with Rhodey's bowl and turns to him. 

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop," she begins, "but I'm glad I overheard. Rhodey is right."

Bucky blinks at her for a moment before sighing and offers her a smile, "I know."

She nods once and turns back to the sink, "I knew his mother, Maria." She starts the tap and starts washing by hand. "She would be proud of him. Terrified, but proud. And when it comes down to it, when that bitter end comes, and it will," she grimaces, looking at him over her shoulder, "he will need people who love him to be there, right behind him, supporting him to his last." She rinses the pitcher and whispers almost to herself, "No one can live forever. But," she turns and gives him a sad smile, "what we do with the time we have is what's important. Let Tony do that. Let him be and come what may."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short and that I haven't updated in a while but I hope it'll tide y'all over for now while I work on the next one. I finally have internet again so getting chapters out should be easier.


	12. Chapter 12

“The council is delivering their decision tomorrow.” Pepper tells Tony. 

“Hmm,” He hums, hand flying over his sketchbook, structural designs for a new robot coming alive, “what did they say exactly? Any hints?”

“This is The World Security Council, Tony. And you can’t read tone.”

He huffs and sets his pencil down and turns his attention to her, “So you’ve come all the way here to tell me something you could have sent in an email.

“Do you want to explain to my why you’re being an asshole?” Pepper purses her lips and shakes her head once, twice, and sighs. “What is it?”

Tony looks like he’s going to be difficult for half a second before his shoulder drop. He rubs the heel of his hands lightly against his eyes, careful of the delicate robotics, and looks up at her, “I heard Bucky and Steve talking.”

“Oh?” Pepper says, trying to keep her voice even.

“Yeah.” Tony stands, groaning a bit as his knees click and his back pops. “Bruce came clean to Steve. Told him that we aren’t anywhere close with…this mess.” He says, gesturing to himself. “He wants me off the team.”

Pepper gives him a look, eyes narrowed, “Bucky or Steve?”

“Steve.” Tony sighs, “I thought we were past this. We’ve only been a team again for a hot second and he’s already trying to knock me out.”

“Before you assume the worst – which you are fully entitled to, by the way – I would make it a point to talk about it first. Going on the defensive immediately helps no one.”

Tony scoffs, “Why should he have that much power over me? I shouldn’t have to defend my right to agency.”

“No,” Pepper whispers and steps closer, licks her finger, and then proceeds to clean a smudge off of his face, “no, you shouldn’t have to. But consider for me the possibility that he isn’t doing this for himself but for you.”

“First of all, thanks mom. Second of all:” Tony takes in a deep breath, “I don’t know. I thought we had been making progress and then he goes and does this. Why?”

Pepper sighs and smooths her skirt out, “He loves you, Tony. In his own way. Steve has come a long way but at the core of this issue lies worry for your well-being, not for anything else. He’s just stubborn about it. Do you think I like the idea of you out in the field, fighting and risking your life? No. I have an ulcer named after you. But,” Pepper offers him a soft, small smile, “I also know that there’s no use in talking you out of something once you’ve put your mind to it.”

“Is this selfish, Pep?” Tony asks, sincere, “Is it selfish to want to be in the thick of it even when I’m…broken?”

Pepper gives him a look and purses her lips in thought, “Yes and no. It’s a part of who you are, Tony, for you to be selfless and self-sacrificing to help others. And that is an admirable trait. However, doing things recklessly and impulsively is where you cross the line. The world needs you Tony. It needs you alive.”

Tony takes a moment to process and sits down with a small thump. He knows that he has the proclivity to be incredibly impulsive. He knows that if Pepper had said this to him years ago, before Afghanistan - before everything - that he would have brushed her off because that spontaneity was a big part of who he was. He liked being unpredictable. 

But a lot of things have happened to him over the years. The type of stuff that changes a person and affords a new perspective. He’s had more than his fair share of paradigm shifts. And while he would never give up Iron Man he couldn’t help but think that maybe this time with this chance he should be more careful. What use was he to anyone if he was dead?

“I won’t stop being Iron Man.”

Pepper nods like she expected him to say that, “I know. Once, I would have been furious that you wouldn’t, but know I understand a bit better. And while I will always worry about you I accept that this is who you are.”

“Thanks, Pep.” Tony smiles. “I’ll talk with Bucky about this.”

“You should probably bring up what Bruce said first.” Pepper advised. “He heard that from Steve. It should have come from you.”

Tony grimaces, “I know. I just thought, ya know, that I could fix it before it became a problem.”

“Would you want Bucky to keep something like that from you? If you were in his position wouldn’t you have wanted to know?”

“Of course.”

Pepper smiles and moves towards the elevator at the end of his shop, “Then get to it. I’ll see you later, Tony. I have a meeting with a potential investor.”

“Really?” Tony perks up. “What are they wanting to back?”

“Your new prosthetics division.”

“What’s their connection?”

Pepper smiles at him and steps into the elevator, “Her daughter. Ground floor, Friday, if you would.”

“Certainly, Ms. Potts.”

-

Tony had returned to his sketching and started on his fifth cup of coffee in the last hour when Rhodey walked in. 

“Two guesses on why you’re here.” Tony snarked, not looking up from his drawing.

Rhodey laughs and moves closer, “You need two? You’re getting rusty.”

“Bucky talked to you.” Tony said, ignoring his jab. “He sent you here to talk to me.”

Rhodey leans against the table Tony is working on and crosses his arms across his chest, “Let’s get this settled real quick: no one tells me what to do. And second: can’t one best friend see the other without motive?”

“Rhodey, everything you do has motive.” Tony set his pen down and turned in his chair. “I’ve already talked with Pepper. I don’t need to have this conversation twice.”

“We’ve been friends for longer than I’d care to admit and you still don’t know everything about me, Tony.”

Tony raises an eyebrow at him, “Oh, really? What do I not know?”

“That when Bucky came to me about this, that I defended you. Because I love you. And I firmly believe that denying you the ability to save people, the ability to do what you do best, would hurt not just you but the people as well. People need Iron Man just as much as they need Captain America.”

“That’s not true.” Tony scoffs.

Rhodey sends him a sour look and gently kicks him in the shin, “Yes it is. Steve is their past. He represents those values and that time. Steve is nostalgic patriotism and homegrown values. He’s a safety blanket of the familiar. However, you are the bright light of the future. You pull people together in the name of discovery and knowledge. You pioneer the path to tomorrow. You invest your time and innovation in the People. You take care of them. They see a problem? They know you’ll fix it.”

“I have destroyed lives, Rhodey. Ultron – “

Rhodey holds up a finger and Tony snaps his mouth shut, “Tony, I won’t sugar coat things and say that what happened with Ultron wasn’t bad. But you can’t beat yourself up forever about this. You created him to save lives. You were influenced by Wanda’s magic and you, in your panic to provide safety, made Ultron. But, you’ve also funded and supported hundreds of charities. You’ve created sustainable energy. You’ve created a whole new tier of prosthetics and made them affordable. You saved New York from a nuclear attack for Christ’s sake. You’ve done good.”

Tony sighs and then says, almost whispering, “It won’t ever be enough.”

“Tones,” Rhodey sighs and moves close to wrap an arm around Tony’s shoulders, “I’m gonna be honest with you here. Nothing will ever feel like enough. You could save the Earth from complete and utter desolation and it would still feel like it wasn’t enough. It’s good that you feel that way. It makes you human and that’s important.”

“How do I fix it, then? How do I make it right?”

Rhodey rubs his hand up and down Tony’s arm and shrugs, “Nothing will ever make it ok, Tony. You can’t fix this. You can’t turn back time or bring people back from the dead. But you can support them. You’ve done everything in your power to help the survivors. You didn’t abandon them and while they know that you’re responsible for what happened they can see you taking that responsibility. It won’t fix it. There is no Karmic balance, Tony. But it’s the best you can do.”

“This is why I’m so upset with Steve.” Tony mumbles. “I have to be Iron Man. I have to fight.”

“I know. And I’ll always support you. But you gotta see it from another perspective. Like Bucky’s or mine. We both love you. We want to see you alive and healthy and happy. And we both know that you’re dying.”

Tony’s eyes dart to his, “How do you know that?”

“I know Bruce told Steve.”

“He just told him that the likelihood of fixing things was low.”

Rhodey rolls his eyes, “I also know that Bruce would have never spoken that freely about you, especially to Steve, unless he was worried. Like, real worried.”

“So you just arrived at the conclusion that it means I’m dying?”

“You wanna tell me it’s something else? And remember, I know what it looks like when you lie.”

Tony huffs and runs his hand through his hair a few times over, “It’s not exactly wrong.”

“Dammit, Tony, when were you planning on telling me?”

“Today!” Tony assures and Rhodey scoffs. “I’m serious. I was going to tell you today.”

Rhodey turns to find a chair and sits down, Tony following suit, “Are you going to tell Bucky.”

“I want to but every time I think to bring it up, something comes up and it’s not the right time.”

“Maybe there is no right time, Tony. It doesn’t matter when you decide to tell him. It’ll crush him either way. But the longer you wait, the longer it takes you to admit, the worse it’ll be. Finding out that you’re dying is one thing. But learning that and finding out that you knew for a while is worse.”

“He’ll never let me leave the house.”

Rhodey laughs, “You and I both know that Bucky can’t deny you anything. But it will be difficult on him. He loves you. We all do. I think that we deserve to know this.”

“I’ll tell the rest soon. Just…not yet.”

“You do you.” Rhodey sighs and stands, hands on his hips. “This is good a time as any to let you know that I’m officially retiring. From both the military and the Avengers initiative, so is Sam. Excepting emergencies. It’s time we settled down and lived our lives a little bit.”

Tony’s eyebrows shoot into his hairline, “That’s a big step.”

“We’re married.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Tony paused to collect his thoughts. “Just that, wow, um, you’re really quitting?”

Rhodey shrugged, “I gave so much of my life to the military and while without it I probably would have never met Sam, it still took so much of the time we could have had together. Not just that but it’s put you and me both on different sides of the field. I only ever wanted to stand up with you, not against you. I’d like to be able to be there for you and Sam both without worrying that I’ll have to leave for work.”

“But you love your job.”

“I did.” Rhodey admits. “And I’ll love the nostalgia I’ll have about it. But I will love my new life more.”

Tony nodded and understood, “I respect that.”

“I’m glad. Don’t think that the military will stop breathing down your neck about the suits.”

“That’ll never happen.” Tony laughs and in a flash looks somber. “The council is delivering their verdict tomorrow.”

Rhodey nods, “Pepper told me.”

“You do know that they’ll take your retirement into consideration. They may assume with your ties to the military that the Vortex could remain with us as long as you’re here to monitor it.”

“You have a point.” Rhodey concedes. “I’ll talk to Sam about it. Maybe we can wait to announce this until this blows over. But then I’m done, Tony. I’m serious.”

Tony salutes him, “Yes, sir!”

Rhodey laughs and turns his head towards the elevator when it dings, “Wanna bet on who that is?”

“We both know its Bucky.”

The doors open and Bucky walks in. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a tank top. It looks like he’s had a shower and a shave. He gives Tony and Rhodey a sheepish smile and runs his hand through his hair.

“Sorry to interrupt. I thought I could catch a moment alone with Tony.”

Rhodey stands and ruffles Tony’s hair affectionately, “You’re fine. We just finished anyway.” 

It’s a tense moment where Rhodey walks to the elevator, asks Friday to take him up, and the door to close. Tony feels a little charged, a little on edge, and very anxious. 

“What’s up, Buttercup?”

Bucky turns his full focus onto Tony with laser-like intensity, “Steve talked with Bruce.”

“Yeah.” Tony nods, picking up a pen to fiddle with it. “Who then talked to you, who then talked to Rhodey, who then talked to me. It’s felt like one long conversation via telephone.”

“When were you gonna tell me?”

“Today, honest.” Tony assures. “I wanted to wait long enough for last night’s tests to come back in just to be sure.”

“And nothing?”

Tony shrugs, “Nope. Not so far, anyway.”

It’s silent again and Tony desperately wants to reach out to Bucky and just be enveloped in a hug. But, that would distract the both of them and this all really did need to be said. 

“Can I ask you something?” Bucky asks, maintaining eye contact.

“Shoot.”

Bucky exhales, eyes closed and then takes in a deep breath, opening his eyes again, “Are you trying? Are you really doing your best to fix what’s wrong with you? Or do you think you somehow deserve this and you’re trying to let it run its course for a while?”

“I’m trying.” Tony whispers.

Bucky grabs him by the shoulders and asks, “You promise?”

“I promise.” Tony nods and then sighs. “But…look. You should know.” Tony takes in a deep breath and then steels himself, “I’m dying.”

Bucky drops his hands from Tony, arms limp, and opens his mouth in shock, “What?”

“I’m dying.” Tony reaffirms. “I mean, it isn’t the first time I’ve been close to death. But I figured you should know.”

“How long?” Bucky asks, choking back the beginning of a sob.

Tony shrugs, “I don’t know. My predictions with stress factored in is about two years max. Five if I take it easy.”

It’s longer than Bucky thought he’d hear but definitely not long enough, “You still have time, though, to figure something out.”

“Yeah,” Tony agrees, “there’s time.”

Bucky realizes suddenly that Tony doesn’t really believe that but rather is saying it to make him feel better. He’s struck then by the realization that Tony will be taken from him soon. Sooner than he ever should be. And it terrifies him more than just a little because he’s only had him for what feels like a moment and an eternity. 

“You don’t believe that.” Bucky accuses. “You don’t think you can solve this.”

Tony looks pain-stricken for a moment and reaches out to Bucky, grabbing his hand, “I haven’t given up, if that’s what you think. I’m just being realistic. I have to entertain the possibility so I can prepare for it. I thought it was the end when I had palladium poisoning. But I made it out of that. So maybe I can make it out of this, too.”

Bucky pulls Tony’s hand to his mouth and kisses his knuckles, “I don’t know what loosing you would do to be but I can tell you that I wouldn’t be fine.”

“You’d manage.” Tony says, stepping into his space to wrap his arms around Bucky and rest his head on his chest. “Does this change your mind?”

“About what?” Bucky asks, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“About me staying on the team.” Tony pulls back enough to look Bucky in the eye. “I heard your talk with Steve.”

Bucky closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before sighing and looking down at Tony, “You know he’s just worried about you. He messed up and almost killed you. He doesn’t want to see you close to that again.”

“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah.” Bucky whispers. "I guess it is."

“So?” 

Bucky shakes his head, “Even knowing what I do, I couldn’t ever kick you off the team. We need you almost as much as you need it. I respect your choices here.”

“What about Steve?”

“I’m sure deep down he knows that no one could make you change your mind. He’s fussing because he loves you. He wants to protect you and do good by you. He feels like he needs to make what he did right.”

Tony laughs, “I know that feeling. It won’t ever be fixed, what happened, but I can move past it. We can move past it.”

“I’m sure you could do your best but I can tell you right now that this will haunt Steve forever. Maybe just let him fuss?”

“I’ve heard so much today about how you all feel.” Tony begins, gathering his thoughts together. “And I appreciate them. But I’m going to keep  
doing the same thing I have been. Because that’s who I am.”

Bucky grabs his face and pulls him in for a short but thorough kiss and then pulls away, a little breathless, “That’s why I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Tony kisses him back. "I will try to take it easy, though. I'll be more careful and I'll tap out if I have to."

“Ok, baby. Oh, council meeting is tomorrow.” Bucky reminds, pulling Tony to his chest and tucking his head beneath his chin. “What do you think?”

“I think that no matter what they say the Avengers will be involved in one way or another. Their decision just means the difference between us stopping something bad from happening before it does or having to come in to clean up the mess.”

Bucky sighs and tightens his grip on Tony, “It’s times like this that I second-guess the accords.”

“Me, too.” Tony admits. “But nothing is perfect and a system without faith won’t work.”

“What is our plan when the Vortex gets here?”

“I’ve been putting something together here. Something that should help keep it hidden. I won’t have it finished until I get to see the Vortex itself. But it’s there.”

Bucky nods, “Good.”

“Steve loves me.” Tony blurts, feeling the need to talk about this.

“Yes.” Bucky affirms.

Tony pulls back again to look Bucky in the eye, “How do you feel about that?”

“You’re easy to love.”

“You know what I mean.”

Bucky sighs, “I thought I would be bothered at first but I’m really not. He loves you and you love him. There’s not much to do to stop that.”

“I would never-“ Tony starts but Bucky cuts him off with a kiss.

“I know. You love me, too. What I’m saying is that maybe you can love both of us.”

Tony furrows his eyebrows, “And that’s something you would be ok with?”

“I can see why you love him. I can see why I used to, ya know, back when I was just Bucky Barnes. He’s growing on me even now.”

“You’re suggesting some sort of threesome?”

Bucky shakes his head, “I’m suggesting that we can love more than just one person.”

“I don’t know.” Tony leans back against Bucky and listens to his heartbeat for a second. “Maybe. Have you talked to Steve about it?”

“No, but I may have eavesdropped on a conversation between him and Natasha. He doesn’t believe he deserves either of us.”

Tony sighs, “Of course he feels that way.”

“He did almost kill you.” Bucky reminds.

“I have to believe that people can change, Bucky. I want to believe that people learn from their mistakes and become better people. If I can’t believe that of Steve then I can’t believe it of myself.”

Bucky kisses him again, soft and sweet, and holds his face gently while brushing his thumbs across Tony’s cheekbones, “I know, darlin’. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned! Up next we have Tony's conversation with Steve and the council's decision.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm 'spacefucker' on tumblr, come find me and say hello!
> 
> Still not beta read.


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